No mobile phones when I was a kid. Had to go out on your bike with your mates and find adventure.
Sometimes it’d be a lost pirate ship loaded with gold doubloons and sometimes a crumpled porno mag in a hedge.
Treasure was treasure
Sorry my mistake, that was the Ewoks.
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank JD Vance and the United States for their assistance during the battle of Endor
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Get in the van
I feel like I understand everything now.
I’m going to try and do Dry Wednesday.
My trowel now deals +5 Frost damage
Ratatouille is one of my favourite films about Schizophrenia in rodents and gross misconduct in the catering industry.
Turns out the “new me” is just as fat and lazy as the old one.
Smell like a freshly twirled moustache, or an Audi parked diagonally across two disabled bays.
Smell of VILLAINOUS MAN
Some kind of cake based cult?
I’m in.
If I had a mince pie for every mince pie I’d eaten, I’d have eaten twice as many mince pies, which I have.
I’ve forgotten what food tastes like without cheese on it.
On my way to the toilets in Spoons
Got too many sprouts left? Just seal them up in an Amazon box and leave it on your doorstep. Someone will take it away.
Also works with nuclear waste and cursed artefact’s
Christmas Day Drinking Game:
Drink.
Happy humpday everyone, halfway to the weekend
Whats the point in walking a dog if you don’t find at least one dead body?
Fucking waste of my time.
Going to any supermarket at this point is basically the Battle of the Bastards from GOT but with cheese
Has Timothée Chalamet ever been to a Tobée Carveret?
“Most of the complaints came from working class prostitutes from the Yorkshire region”
“Look at the thousands of women I didn’t harass” isn’t quite the defence Greg thinks it is
A photo of Beyoncé with th3 headline BEYONCÉ IS COMING TO SUNDERLAND.
fair play, that’s a decent signing.
A mug that used to read "The Best GRANDAD In The WORLD" but the writing has worn off so now it just says "GRANDAD WORLD". The mug is white with black text on it, on a wooden table.
My dad put his favourite mug in the dishwasher too many times so now it looks like he has a souvenir from the weirdest theme park ever.
With the Greg Wallace ‘revelations’ can we just go back to judging a book by its cover?
I might have to wait for the highlights, I’m not sitting through that one.
[interview]
"Any weaknesses?"
"I sometimes let myself down in interviews"
"I think you're doing ok"
"You would. You're a fucking idiot".
Bert is really fucking up my garden right now.
