Text me about it :)

Don’t skip! Post you in another country.

I’m not sure what to make of this. My content was so terrible you became a monk?!

I had chicken with chorizo for dinner last night and was having the leftovers. So it’s a lovely orange oily stain on a white shirt 😭

Got my lunch down my shirt so now I have to spend the afternoon with a stain down my shirt. Great. Cool. Fun.

I have a distinct memory as a child of being on holiday at a rented villa in Florida and my grandmother trying to vacuum, but the plug kept falling out the socket so she asked me to hold it in while she did the cleaning. At one point I got bored, it moved and arced, and I refused to touch it again 😂

Can we see your… squirt(le)?

Ooh yes. I had a guy do this a while back. He got off on it while I found it so relaxing I nearly fell asleep.

I do this for group chats when the conversation suddenly gets active between two people and I’m busy.

I literally have a saved message I can send to answer that question which explains exactly what kind of sex I want and who I want it with. I can only imagine being sides were a bit weird and need those specifics?! 🤣

This and the “my BRUTAL review of…” type headings really grind my gears for no good reason.

I think iPhone keeps enough power in reserve for this even if the phone itself has shutdown. I’d expect other handsets would do the same

Do these guys ship to the US? spoke-london.com

If it needs sorting quickly, just fly solo. With company it's always slower haha

I've not cleaned it myself for years. It takes me 5 times as long and the job is half as good as the people who do it professionally. £35 well spent!

Dropped the car off for her bi-annual clean. For someone so anal about keeping my house clean you’d think this would extend to my car, but it doesn’t 😂

YES! Honestly at one point I was doing about 55mph with a HUGE gap in front of me and some twat in a RAV4 matched my speed and tried to merge into me 😵‍💫

Was in no rush so drove home keeping pace with lane one almost the entire way. Two things.
(1) At this speed I was basically planting trees while driving.
(2) Some people drive dangerously slowly on a motorway. I pulled out and passed several sub-50mph drivers 😱

Definitely. I think it takes two to tango, though. Like if I replied and said “let’s hang out” and he prevaricated I’d have an answer, but also I don’t want to hang out right now. In six weeks’ time that might’ve changed. Being nice is hard, man.

Car in for a service today, always ominous when they call with updates. Today it was "so we can see how to drain the gearbox oil, but not how to re-fill it. Do you mind if we re-book this for next week to give us the chance to check?" 🤣

We don't know each other anywhere near enough for it to be a break-up haha.

It's kinda specific. Like the guy in question seems nice but we never get beyond the "how are you/what you up to" and it's a bit boring to keep going around in that circle. I'd be interested in taking it further at some point, but currently just not got the time/energy.

Because...?

So you can share photos for those us of who want to see this kind of thing?

Me: I should stop posting selfies for a few weeks and then let everyone see the difference my new workouts are making
Also me: *continues to share his titties on the internet*

Both of you here 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

I saw this on Tiktok and was laughing my tits off.

It's very "Thanks, ants. Thants".

I’m doing the same! Sometimes I find things I don’t remember taking 😂

☠️ apparently he’s blocked me?!

If you see this, post a picture of yourself in glasses 👓

(As an aside, can we just enjoy how angry Nutmeg alway looks? Like she’s consistently done with my shit.)