is make me feel like im not fuckin human. im not a fucking child. yes im loud. yes my emotions are just as loud. yes everything hurt. but guess what? if i feel that, it'll be better than not gettin a thing from it at all. and at the end of the day thats all i fucking care abt.
TALK to me. "ur scary tho" let me be, stripping that from me will just make you mean nothing quicker than anything else will to me. im not a fucking dog on a leash, let me be mad, let me feel sad. tell me when you want to explain something i will. but the last thing ill ever let another person do
if i get mad its always been my fault and i shouldve known right? but when niggas do me dirt everyone is cool and confused why im mad or just distant in general. no one can get it thru they're fuckin head. stop assuming what i want from things or just cause something made me mad in the moment.
im in such a weird spot of finally getting things back to normal but at same time random things punching down at me immediately as im feeling better. i know progress isnt a straight line but oh my god my levels of aggression have so much higher than usual and i cant help but like seethe rn.
Not rlly a cry for help but just was brainstorming on moving out this yr but i was like “idk i seem like the jackass to tell no one I moved cause I didn’t want them to worry abt helping me” like that’s unironically something I’d do rn, I wanna fix that. Idk.
It’s so hard to allow that space cause I don’t wanna come off as someone u can’t depend on cause I ask for help but god sometimes I wish I could just ask?? I know I just can, no one is stopping me, but like it’s so hard ya know? Idk.
I just don’t think it’s that important, which is a problem I’ve had since I was 10, but I’ve been tryna be better abt it ya know? Like if I need a buck from a friend I’ve finally in my 24 yrs of living asked a friend and it was okay. It’s such a big step for me.
I’m like the worst at asking for help cause I was literally taught to do everything on my own and not ask others for help cause most ppl will let you down, but I also just don’t wanna bother ppl even tho I know I have friends who’d drop everything to help me.
I wanna work with some furry editors on TikTok cause some of them are genuinely like crazy when it comes to what they do, like I just need to see who can do like image tweening and make a solid budget for a whole music video..
Unless his shitty sponsor claims it’s mandatory. Other than that he drinks and smokes back in his home town with family and friends and while bullshitting about cars and races. He does merc work but it’s super lowkey and only a few know of his dirty work in the city, some tied to racing.
He’s a GT3 racer in universe, he’s a nomad who just happens to have corpo money but he primarily spends it on shady underground street racing and his community in Japantown. Unfortunately he does have to work around corps as that’s part of the trade but he doesn’t partake in the snob parties-
Feels refreshing havin drawn something for myself when it’s been idk how long. I know I colored an older pic I did but that doesn’t feel the same, doesn’t give me that feeling. Anyway this is Rari, he’s a character I made last night for table top Cyberpunk Red game, can’t wait to play him.
It was a dnd campaign I wanted to try Dming, a 3 session idea so I could get more comfortable dming in general so one of my friends wasn’t th only one able to do it for the group we have. It just kinda fell thru so I’m like “it’d be way too late to even like get anything together for it now”
I need to draw more sfw, honestly wouldn’t be adverse to more sfw comms need that balance ya know?
Thx, I will! Just kinda sucks when an idea falls thru!
It alr takes me a lot to not close ppl out on ideas but like it’s even harder with shit I’ve put effort into and it doesn’t even get acknowledged? Like “okay cool never suggesting that idea here again ✌🏾” it’s hard to not do that shit but omg it’s all I can feel without bitchin abt it
Whegh it always feels disheartening when u try something new and it just doesn’t hit the way you’d hope? Like puttin out an idea and it not being the first time you’ve voiced it and it just fallin into the void a lil? Idk it’s not gonna demotivate me from writin up the ideas for it but like it sucks
some recent Jackal doodles
My in between session doodles
A wildchild at heart
like if i could just understand myself, my issues everyone else seemingly does, maybe i wouldnt have to hope someone else saves me. rlly at this point 2 things keep me here, im not ashamed to admit that. i just dont wanna hurt them. so ill stay. but after theyre gone i cant promise a thing.
done sm growing god can i always tell when im just not there. i know progress isnt a straight line but sometimes even though ive put so much into myself it feels like whatever effort was put in doesnt exist. doesnt matter how you slice it, its just a feedback loop of wishing i fit my own mold.
oh we DEFO bumpin this
More like this at some point.
Dw I ain forgot abt this account. I’m definitely seeing this is gonna be like that “leaving and coming back to this” type relationship account unless I wanna ramble abt a super specific hyper fixation I don’t wanna put anywhere else. But I’m brewing ideas. I just want a specific tone.
Yea man it’s so fuckin sad 😭
Screenshot of a free pose reference library from TrueRef.
Screenshot of a free timed gesture drawing tool from TrueRef.
TrueRef's free pose library and timed gesture tools are live! 🤍
