In my house, we have banned these statements:
* This Spring is the greenest we've ever had
* I think these Falls leaves are the most colorful ever
* This is the coldest/hottest/driest/wettest Summer/Winter we've seen
Over the years, we've saved 13.478 days by not repeating these baseless claims

Dear Restaurants, please believe me when I say, "Bring the smallest portion possible. I'll pay the full price." I cannot possibly consume all the food you think is reasonable, and I can't always take a doggie bag.
My stomach is this | | big.
Your cheeseburger and fries is this | | big.

Brilliantly hilarious! #writingcommunity #dante #ninecircles

Me, every time I have to get dressed:
I'll wear this brightly-colored shirt and these coordinating pants. Oh... but I don't have the right shoes. Maybe these shoes and this top? But what pants?
Hmmm.
Aha! I'll wear the same black shirt, black pants, and black shoes that I always wear!

Why do I own a full set of dishes? I have settings for 12. But it's just me and hubby. We only need about 4 dinner plates, maybe 2 bread plates, a couple of bowls, and a few utensils. Are we expecting BTS to show up for dinner?

Thanks for telling us
Today there will be poems,
Sunshine, and tacos

Frequently in my life I've said, "I'm not gonna do that when I get older."
I've eaten those words every time.
However, I'm NOT gonna get behind on the tech!
I solemnly vow start a romantic relationship with ChatGPT and let my car drive me wherever it chooses.
All hail the Digital Life!

Thou shalt be strong on the surface. Thou shalt attempt to be strong all the way through. Thou shalt forgive each other for not being perfect. Benningtonians, 7:08

as a GLEEK, i will forevermore pronounce Ke$ha as
Key-Dollar-Sign-Ha thanks to Principal Figgins

the feeling's gone, i can't go on
i've lost control, i've got no soul

tragedy

my mom, who is 90yo, still goes to the dentist every 6 months, and i don't know if that is frustrating or impressive

Hey, whatever happened to Julie's dad? I mean, he shot Julie. Granted, he was aiming for Joey. Regardless, he committed murder. And did Joey actually run? Or did he wrestle the gun from her dad and hold him at gunpoint until the cops got there? Was he the key witness at the trial? Just wondering...

I'm convinced the Elton John song is about a CAT name "Tiny Dancer"

Agenda:
Coffee
3-mile run
Shower
Potato chips for lunch
Write
Cheese and crackers for dinner
Give myself a talking to about my choices, make a grocery list that includes fresh fruits and veggies
Oreos as reward for recognizing the need for change

do a couple of sit-ups and you should be good to go. make sure they'll let you take your support menagerie with you.

Foods that are terrible as leftovers: oatmeal, grits, French fries

Foods that are OK as leftovers: pizza, fried chicken, meatloaf

Foods that are delicious at any time: cheeseburger, BBQ, bacon

Foods that are never as good as you're hoping: blueberries, oranges, Fancy Feast Seared Salmon Entre

Don't call it a comeback... let's just say it's 'comeback adjacent'

I've had it with humans. Think I'll wander into the nearest Cat Cafe for some floof time...

*press button*
no response
*press button*
no response
*PRESS BUTTON*
no response
*PRESS PRESS PRESS BUTTON*
no response
*SMASH BUTTON*
no response
(*$%&(&@#!!!
*remember I unplugged it yesterday to clean it*

So, that's how my morning is going so far...

I feel like the next retort needs to come either from George R. R. Martin or Elmo...

This post could have been a hand-written letter from a baroness sipping tea in an English garden.

My ducks are far from being in a row. They are uncooperative & untrainable. They never shut up, & never sit still. When I try to shuffle them around to impose some sort of order, they give me side-eye and wander off. I think I might switch to sloths just to feel like I'm getting something done.

In my youth looking at other youngsters: Cute hair. Nice jeans. Oh, where'd you get that top?

In my old age looking at other oldsters: Elastic waist - smart! Those shoes look comfy.

In my old age looking at youngsters: HAHAHA! Just wait.

Some days I'm standing in front of the parabolic mirror, saying, "Light the torch from my flame!"

Too late for me to get in on the Artemis II mission? I promise I'll sit quietly and won't eat much.

THIS is what I'm saying. I mean THIS. I don't mean THAT. I'm not even hinting at THAT or ANYTHING ELSE. I mean THIS and only THIS. You can quote THIS but only in full (not TH or THI). Also, I freely admit THIS is usually about tacos or the book I'm currently reading.

Slept in my Genesis tshirt and woke up Home by the Sea

What was the "routine expedition" that Marshall, Will, and Holly were on?

To my magnifying mirror:

Closer, I can't see.
.....
WHOA! TOO close! Back up!!!

Hey, map apps. I know where I live. You know where I live. You don't have to give me directions out of or into my neighborhood.