Got to see some shit from the titanic today. Didn’t have to pay a million dollars and get turned into red mist in the ocean to do it so that was nice.

Hollywood and their pronouns smh

We already got a perfect made-for-TV Martha Stewart movie

?????

Took an edible and watched the new Malcolm in the Middle eps and this made me emotional

Underrated Jeb moment

We went to a new park recently that also had a skatepark. 3yo wanted to watch the skaters for a bit, then told me he was gonna do some tricks. I said “but you don’t have a skateboard” and he replied “that ok, I’ll just use my skin” ???????

An adult somewhere said: honestly, I think we keep the ‘Butts’

You can put about anything on a hot wheels track

Man I would really love to go to space if I weren’t such a pussy about literally everything

I’m supposed to give this strawberry to my child????

I’ve said it before but my iPhone photo memories are completely fucked

Mind if I do a little #wholesome posting

I asked my 3yo if he could name all the Beatles and he said “John, Poop, Pee and Gunk”.

Matthew there’s a war

love supporting local businesses

“OnlyHams” oh I hit join so fast

telling my 3yo “can you say ‘nice’ for me please? No don’t worry about why just say ‘nice’. Say it sweetie. Now.”

Things are very normal in the maximalist design Facebook group

My 3 year old:

Source tells me Trump has died after having extra ribs implanted to help him suck his own dick from behind. He didn’t even get to try it out before he passed. Rest now, brother. We have the watch. See you in Valhalla.

Wow this is really spiritual cc @bonerwizard.bsky.social

At least we’ve all got our Halloween costume figured out for this year

Kristi Noem’s husband drew inspiration from Cookie Monster for his nipple placement