Yes I fully believe some people were sent by God because if God loves anything it’s sending plague after plague upon mankind

[Walking into the bank]

I see debt people

healing my inner torment by incorporating one bandaid a day into my diet

high intensity training

then: quickly getting shit done before the tv commercial break ended

now: quickly getting shit done before my tolerance for this work day has ended

Marry Juan, eh? - Canadians

if you love it so much why don’t you marry juana

Most of the world actually observes 4/20 on the fourth day of the twentieth month, Toyotathon

failed advertising campaigns:

$8 8 inch longs

yeah i like THC

T hat first
H it of la
C roix

i've done my high intensity workout (19.9K posts) now give me my donut

“Remember your training” I admonish myself as I try something I never trained for.

(puts a band-aid on your post) I hope it gets better soon

Band-Aid would be a great name for a benefits concert to help struggling musicians

[car accident]

Stand back, everyone. I’m no doctor but I have a box of Band-Aids®️ containing every size they make.

Quick! Someone get a band aid!

Me after injuring myself on stage: I’m just a solo artist, I don’t need a whole band

Sitting in the front car of the subway after taking an edible is my version of high intensity training

ive known a lot of stoners and I think they smoke pot on the not 420 days too

none of my stoner posts are close to 420 likes which makes me want to roll up and…

No one ever talks about April 21st being National Drug Testing at Work Day

I accidentally stumbled upon something very weird on the internet (*)

* I specifically searched for something very weird on the internet using a crystal clear search string

time moves so fast seems like just yesterday we all had hope

Me: Everyone else is drinking our new lemming lime soda and you should to!

You: did you mean *lemon* lime?

Me pulling a piece of fur from my teeth: No

[dinner party] you are all special to me so i cooked slabs of real plastic *lol* none of those micros everyone are eating

I’ve lost Hope and Faith

-Really bad babysitter

🎶 i found love in a hopeless place 🎶

gollum falling into mount doom: i felt that

to defeat math you need to think like a number

used my kid’s bodywash before work and just now told my boss “i got this, twin. trust. just you wait and see.”

spamming the refresh button on bsky dot app just to feel something

Gonna cut off my hair and bring back frosted tips

Undelete that post, right now