i’m glad Wayne Coyne didn’t listen to them when they said nothing rhymes with orange

What Are We Gonna Do? - Remastered Version

Who remembers DJs coming in at the end of this song and saying "BORN"

I never realized how frequently I do this until taxis became unavailable

*Liam Neeson rushing into the back of a Toyota Camry*

*screen zooms in to him furiously and continuously changing his waypoint as christian worship music plays slightly too loud*

The thing I hate about Uber is that you can’t just tell them to "follow that car"

I'll just floss tomorrow

Babe did you purchase a "1440 Servings Emergency Food Supply Bucket" because bluesky stopped showing images for an hour?

RFK Jr: We're not cutting health care.

Sen. Reed: Well, you're cutting access to health care

RFK Jr: Okay

For those who missed it: this was the moment The Strokes ensured they’ll never be invited back to Coachella again! I'm so proud of them

We won't be hearing from them for a while!

[releases helium-filled heart balloon]

Me: You're free now

Balloon: Ima choke a bird

Imma try this next time

Dude looks like he's about to call for the destruction of the Jedi

In the Taco Bell drive-thru asking for the hot sauce packets with the sassiest sayings on them

My understanding is that they don't like that

I'll just floss tomorrow

her name should be sabrina singer

I want peace but I also want to fuck shit up

Meme with a photo of a fountain drink machine with a cup sitting under two nozzles (red and blue), a hand pushing both buttons at once and liquid coming from both nozzles. The blue (left) drink is labelled "grateful for the insight I have gained from all my experiences" and the red (right) drink is labelled "still thinks some of that sh*t should not have happened". The hand is labelled "me".

Bagged salad makers drastically overestimate my willingness to consume the butt end of a cabbage head

That started happening to my wife a lot more after she had a baby. Let me know if you need to sell it, I know a guy who buys them

We can archive bluesky now, it won't get any better than this

This Is Just To Say

I have turned off
the AI features
that were in
the update

and which
you were probably
hoping
to monetize

Fuck you
they were stupid
so unnecessary
and so annoying

normalize dropping to your knees and sobbing when people won’t stop talking

Getting control of Infowars is fine and all, but when we've lost CBS, TikTok, Twitter, CNN, WashPo and every previously mainstream outlet to the regime-aligned fascists it feels... small.

So are we running out of oil or what

A good way to leave a conversation is to suddenly crouch down and scuttle away sideways like a crab

I'll just floss tomorrow

two images of the human body's circulatory system. One of them with good cable management

The human circulatory system, before and after proper cable management.

I'll remind my mom that I'm the only one allowed to walk on my kitchen floor when it's wet, even if I'm not mopping