did you know that recent moon astronaut Christina Koch’s middle name is Hammock

at any moment in time my son *must have* an admiring entourage of deeply broody geezers calling him the big lad on left back, elderly greek men insisting he has a ‘greek spirit’, bin men, construction workers &coffee shop nose-ring boys who pretend to give him espresso or he will fall into a decline

LOOK-

it’s one flight michael how much could it possibly cost

you have exactly the same number of hours in a day that Wat Tyler had

which one!

For Phoebe’s Tudor Corner Mission Creep, we watched 1998’s Elizabeth, and discussed blouses, uncles, 90s heartthrobs, scheming bisexuals, la putain connivé etc and so forth
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i was on Teresa’s side for the Eastbourne is Europe remark but then i got to ‘she wants to spend as much time in the supermarket as possible’ and now i think she’s a sick alien freak and should be in prison

the child abuser bit was if i remember rightly an alt right nazi adjacent thing that the easily fooled got conned into repeating. wow! Can’t imagine something similar happening now

if you watch the sneako vid it’s so funny, it’s like watching someone trying to give eye medication to an angry cat

‘oh they look like jerks at coachella’ she has probably used his ear or his baseball cap to sow her eggs. now what

i feel like no one is interested in talking about how Justin Trudeau is dating the false anthropoid Katy Perry that came back from space, and that’s very isolating

a perfect deep cut, this

bowie is such a funny choice for ‘well no because he didn’t have a nazi phase’ [2 seconds of googling] ah well nonethe-

no it’s an odd idea for sure - just picturing being 2 weeks pp or whenever it was i saw the iclbc & having to get myself to a boat on limehouse basin. Quite comical really, i could barely get down the street

it LOOKS like an ICLBC that practises from a narrowboat & you can rent it separately to stay in but that is not at all clear

god you’re such amateurs. you’re giving us rope for *follow up* questions now??

let me tell you now: it absolutely does. we don’t want to KNOW. we want to ASK. We are social bandits

essentialism is it, professor

the thing is is that the I Have The Exact Same Information That You Do people can never defeat us (the ‘who’s that. what does he want’ people) because they fail to understand that our love for asking unanswerable questions about movies is stronger than any other force on earth

‘You need to wear this matching air tag. ‘Why’, because it matches’

for sure-IME stuff like this is the tip of the iceberg & is sort of deliberately ridiculous, so the build up is cumulative & trying to point to any one thing makes you look mad and reactive (‘she dumped me because i told her that she had to change her perfume because it was the same as my ex’ etc)

even this is frames as a light hearted squabble i’ve got such a visceral reaction to this & i honestly think the younger one needs to run & not look back

Hunted into exile by the provisional wing of the Royal Society for my explosive paper titled “if energy can only be transferred and not created then how do you explain my toddler son“

the most fitting tribute to Mel Brooks in the lead up to his century i can think of

epilogue: toddler has brought me his box of duplo, still saying ‘moon’. I am trying to work out how to make a duplo moon. Mother Dormant

this morning i said ‘going round the back of the moon, anyone want anything’, and my husband ignored me so i said it again but louder in case he hadn’t heard, and now the toddler is saying ‘moon. moooooon’ like a tiny orc hypeman directing a siege. Mother Victorious

in this house we have a feminist praxis: every month or so my husband rearranges the entire fucken kitchen so i have to send 37 messages a day asking him where he has hidden the scissors or to explain his eldritch tupperware filing system

We A’d Your Q’s!

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in the spirit of not rejecting technological advancement out of hand, i got ai to work on my book. it ran 6 searches for beetle facts & sent 3 voice notes (1. leave the moon alone(?) 2. would i look cute in fascist adjacent boho co-ord 3. when was last time you listened to pass out by tinie tempah)