i feel like im getting squirrels at my bird feeder but the squirrels are Guys

turning my vape into a person and then throwing it away

i support whichever candidate will vow to eradicate palantir and its owners

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly

Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

All these right wingers who converted to Catholicism in adulthood were just shopping around for an ideology that justified their pre-existing instincts and prejudices. If you convince them that Catholicism means peace and charity they'll just drop it and keep shopping.

what if they're swept out to sea and the only food source is a krusty burger on an oil rig in waters controlled by greenland? suddenly the passport & cash are lookin prettyyy smort

physician heal thyself ass post imo

Oh, I’ve got an answer here - it’s because this isn’t meant to be convincing to people like us, it’s to give the base a reason to not believe their lying eyes when they read it. “Well he’s suing, it must be wrong” is now the argument against it for the faithful.

just once I should be allowed to use a harpoon gun to shoot nicolas cage after he's stolen my face and won't give it back and I chased him in a speedboat and frankly he was a real jerk the whole time

whatever it is it sure seems like pat benatar's got some shit to say about whether the air force did a good enough job of kicking hitler's ass

I'm sorry but is the premise here that if pat benetar had served in wwii she would've killed enough nazis to end hostilities earlier

worse, he's a dj

it's SO FUNNY

it's the arm that gets me. just spins like a baton

thats right

*threaten to sue. often they don't go through with it. patel may actually do it this time, but I won't believe it until I see the atlantic's lawyers in court

DOOR
DASH
GRAND
MA
👏
👏
👏👏👏

We all have days like this

every day conservatives try to single out the worst & most maladjusted people on the left to paint us all as freaks & terrorists, yet guys like this make up an entire wing of their movement

The fact that Mamdani just seems like a cheerful normal guy who's policies are things like "we're going to tax second homes to fund pothole repairs" or whatever and yet this generates panicked responses like "This is basically Stalin's great purge turned up to eleven" is... telling. It tells things.

When people steal thousands of dollars from their bosses, they're prosecuted.

witty eunuch. if I'm gonna be in this situation, I figure I might as well get off a few good ones about it. entertain my co-conspirators & whatnot

otoh, you've got dotard eunuch over there. that guy's the worst type of eunuch tbh

my Cut the Penis of A Dead Raccoon Hat is raising a lot of questions that are answered by my hat

this is loose beef erasure

the basic theory of DOGE was that if powerful people said it was fine it didn’t matter what the law said.

I think proving that theory wrong is worth significant effort

feel like pure shit just want her back

told the doctor I was having back trouble, so he put a rope under my arms and punched one of my vertebrae back into place like in the dark knight rises. weirdest visit I've ever had with my podiatrist

Exactly one year ago today:

Helen Slater as Supergirl, posing in front of a Popeye's Fried Chicken, pointing dramatically at something just out of frame. The sign behind her says "Love That Chicken." It is hilarious.

When another girl has chicken

neither of you are allowed to say anything without everyone getting mad