Comic of the beetle from the cover of Massive Attack's "Mezzanine" meeting the crab from the cover of The Prodigy's "Fat of the Land".

Hi this joke is for me

Sir Oliver “Olly” Robbins is a clever, well-informed person. He’s also ambitious & diligent. Sir Keir Starmer & his team now have a potentially highly dangerous enemy. Not because Sir Oliver wants revenge (though he might) but because of the facts of the Mandelson case.

A long 🧵. Have a cuppa! /1.

Oh good: Horseshoe theory.

What's the FT London one?

A GP got struck off after asking a muslim to remove her headscarf, with the word “after“ doing some serious heavy lifting.

Is this the GP one?

In the beginning the universe was created. This made a lot of people very unhappy and has widely been regarded as a bad move.

I love the use of perspective here.

Yet again, the Right threaten us with a good time.

Disney Pixar's 1984 coming 2027

A meme: the picture is from an old painting depicting Judas kissing Jesus on the cheek. The text reads: Shoutout to Judas for the long weekend.

👏 👍 👏 👍 👏 👍 👏 👍 👏 👍 👏 👍 👏 👍

I see what you did there.

Whenever one writes on what Trump does, someone comments that it is just "distraction".

Sometimes [A] is said to be a distraction from [B], which is a distraction from [C], and so on.

But no need to posit such a conspiracy.

The Trump administration is capable of being crap at everything at once.

Wait, what?

Hi there, it`s a Lamy Safari with a medium nib.

Now this seems to be a likely-to-be-successful marketing ploy to get me to buy another pen.

Nice.

It is Lamy. Now waiting for my petrol ink and converter to turn up.

It's arrived!

Today, a fountain pen shall be delivered to me. This will make my handwriting legible for the first time.

The quality of photos from Artemis II of the moon surface is incredible to witness in real time.

A photo of a decapitated android called Ash, from the film Alien. The accompanying text reads: “You have my sympathies. “

Scene is WAITROSE CUSTOMER SERVICES DESK. Behind it is a staff member, whose name we will soon learn is BECKY. She is dealing with a customer, for now out of shot, while talking to her manager on the phone. BECKY [on phone]: Yeah, hiya... 2 BECKY: Yes I have a customer here who wants to complain about the Easter eggs. 3 BECKY [putting hand over receiver while addressing the customer stood at the desk in front of her]: Sorry what was your name again? 4 [Pull back to show the customer is a very tall, green-skinned, PAGAN GODDESS, festooned with flowers. Stood next to her is her son, a normal human teenager in a hoodie, who looks mortified by his mum.] PAGAN GODDESS: Eostre the Pagan Goddess of Fertility 5 BECKY Sorry - Your name is Easter…? PAGAN GODDESS: Eostre. 6 [Vicky pauses, trying to take this in]. VICKY: Your name is Easter and you want to complain about the Easter eggs. 7 PAGAN GODDESS: Sorry love, what’s your name? BECKY: Becky PAGAN GODDESS: Well, Vicky - 8 PAGAN GODDESS: If it was you who’d shagged the solar god of the Equinox to give birth to an actual living god - my son Darren here - TEENAGE BOY: Muuum… 9 PAGAN GODDESS: ….only to have all your efforts totally forgotten by history, you’d have a complaint too! 10 PAGAN GODDESS: Aisle four is full of products, with no hint of the true meaning of the festival! 11 BECKY: You mean… Jesus…? PAGAN GODDESS: I mean shagging, Vicky. 12 PAGAN GODDESS: Is it too much to see just a little bit of pre-Christian sex in Aisle 4? TEENAGE BOY: MUUUUM [Ends]

Happy Ēostre!

Prints of this comic (and others) available in my shop - link in bio

A screenshot of three tweets. The first tweet is a link to a Nigel Slater aubergine recipe. The second tweet is a request for a suggested substitute for the aubergine. The third tweet is Nigel Slater stating “Susan, it's an aubergine recipe.“

[Scene is a suburban UK street, at night. A voice is coming from a semi-detached house.] VOICE: So let me get this straight: You're a large, magic bunny... [Cut to interior scene. We see a close-crop of the EASTER BUNNY, standing in the darkened living room of the house. The room is all drawn in atmospheric purples and blues, and a quadrant of light is cast on the wall from a streetlight outside the window.] [We are still looking at the bunny. He is holding a boxed Easter egg. We noiw see that the voice speaking is not him but is instead coming from a character outside of frame]. Who's broken into this house at 1am to deposit shop-bought chocolate eggs... EASTER BUNNY [looking awkward]: Yes. VOICE: So people can remember...Jesus.? EASTER BUNNY: Yes. [Pause] Well I mean it sounds weird when you say it like that. It is weird. EASTER BUNNY: Not as weird as you! [Pull wider shot. We now see that the Voice is that of a large HAMSTER, who is holding a digital clock]. EASTER BUNNY: What even is the 'BST Hamster' anyway? BST HAMSTER: *sigh* I'm a large, magic hamster who breaks into people's houses at night and changes their clocks so they feel confused. [Pause. They stand in silence, in the dark, thinking]. [Close up of the Bunny's face. he is still thinking in silence. He looks existentially nauseous]. EASTER BUNNY: Do you ever feel your life makes no sense? [Close up of the BST Hamster. He looks the same - silent, horrified]. BST HAMSTER: Yeah. [They stand in the silent living, dark room, in depressed silence.] [Ends]

It's not been 24 hours since her stupid trailer dropped, and she's already taking another hot liquid shit on her legacy by tweeting obsessively about athletes again. Hope it was worth it, all you actors who took the terf coin.

They can always stop reading themselves. Video just plays unless it's actively stopped.

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have exciting newssss
Rowling: there'ss a new harry potter out
King: a new harry potter?!?!?!
King: OMGG I AM SO EXCITED!
Poe: steve, no!
Poe: we discussed this
Poe: you know what the harry potter profits are used for
King: i
King: yes of course
King:
King: but

So, about those Eid prayers in London...

"What's the highest thing in Trafalgar Square?"

"Nelson's column, innit?"

"And the highest thing on the column?"

"Nelson."

"And on Nelson?"

"His hat."

"And the highest thing on his hat?"

"That bit that sticks up."

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