Oh there would be strings attached

It’s so funny when the vet writes a prescription for my cat using my last name. Like, what, you thought we were related? Do we look alike? This is just a little guy who lives in my house and eats my food! I call him Mr Banana but that’s not his real name or anything!

It's not that good.

two images of the human body's circulatory system. One of them with good cable management

The human circulatory system, before and after proper cable management.

Getting Fear and Loathing in LV vibes, idk why

Melania Trump is Contrapoints's Goofy.

Do they pay you in woims to post these bangers?

A flatscreen display on a "smart" water fountain, demanding to be reconnected to the internet.

In 1999, I was playing a decker in Shadowrun, and tried to distract a guard by hacking a water fountain to overflow, and my GM said "why would a water fountain be on the network? That's fucking stupid. No you can't try."

Well it's 2026 and I just want you to know, Phil, that I FUCKING CALLED IT!

People like her must truly believe this is a game where the outcome doesn't matter.

Need

I need Woke 2.0 to hurry up so I can buy tucking panties at the store instead of waiting for a delivery.

Grandchild: So there was a book... that was also a phone?

83 Year Old Rain: No you idiot, it was a book with the phone NUMBER of every person within like 5 miles radius. Also their full legal name and home address.

You're so good, gee whiz

honestly every day

Time to break out the q-tip with a little bit of rubbing alcohol on it.

If a dictatorship is inevitable, I want it to be the Dictatorship of the Technical Program Manager.

The US wants their money for nothing and their ships for free.

Hmm maybe I'd like to follow that account

Oh yes you're pretty good lookin, for a squirrel.

(transferring to Arthur’s school from Arthur) so what the fuck are you guys

My money's on Thomas Edison.

Who invented snapping your fingers?

Breaking: Human meat resembles meat of similar mammal.

Son, you were born to beat Super Mario 64 faster than any other person on earth. It's a god given talent.

"has voting third party ever kept a republican out of office before?"

"no, those voters always delude themselves into thinking this is the year the third party candidate finally wins...

Just repeating to myself "30 is still young. 30 is still young. 30 is still young."

Starting to feel old 😵‍💫😵‍💫

This is honestly great advice, only a very good friend would make this suggestion!

Listen up, if I'm paying $350 for noise cancelling headphones I better be able to wear them in the shower.