TIMELESS? I would have insisted on FECKLESS, and put her son's nazi salutes on the cover. But it looks like she's going for fiction.

I'm sooooo glad we went to Lisbon before all this bullshit. I only we could've stayed.

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Trump says he will send ICE agents to airports if TSA funding stalls Long lines have plagued U.S. airports amid a partial government shutdown. "I look forward to seeing ICE in action at our Airports," Trump posted.

No, thanks. I ain't trying to get shot for forgetting a chapstick in my pocket.

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a woman in a red sweater is talking about something ALT: a woman in a red sweater is talking about something

Listening to Republicans try to justify the SAVE America Act got me like

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Independence Day (1996) taught me that the president should fight during wartime

I hope they go in through his feet.

The Board of Peace would like everyone to remain calm while everything burns.

1 - Zapp Brannigan looks smugly content next to the text "Firing Kristi Noem." 2 - Zapp points enthusiastically next to the text "Firing Kristi Noem out of a cannon, into the sun."

Okay. Yeah. We could work with this.

Remember when we were young and we thought we'd all have flying cars by now? Instead, it's all pedophiles and debt.

They look like the world's oldest six year olds playing superhero.

Very odd to read reports by professional folks still trying to understand a simple concept that's been unchanged since we all learned about it in sixth grade.

Tf you mean McConnell in the damn hospital. Bitch ain’t you outta hole punches? Send directly to morgue. Do not resuscitate

Cool, now they can deny what we're clearly seeing from a new state-sanctioned POV.

Some things require more than a "reassignment" or a polite request to resign your position, and I feel that murder is one of those things. Imagine offing people at your job and all you had to worry about was a meeting with HR.

They're gonna drag out the "analyzing" and "investigating" in circles until we start questioning if we really saw what we saw.

Impeachment isn't enough.

Get worse soon, Billy! 🥰

You know when you tap a YouTube video to see how much longer it's got left? I wish you could do that to people when they’re talking to you

Inflation so bad reading + comprehension sold separately.

There once was a time when I could read a news report and not wish Dexter Morgan was a real person.

me every single day

It’s fun to think about the surgeon who will botch your surgery 20 years from now and what he’s doing at this moment. He just ran all his homework through ChatGPT. He just read that article about vaccines and autism at the CDC website. He just watched an Instagram video about the moon landing hoax.

I just got an automated voicemail from the CDC asking about how many vaccinated kids live in my household. 'Tis the season for making lists, after all.

There's something kinda gross about American calendars listing Black Friday as an actual holiday.