my man looks like a sneeze could end it

the fuck he got a backpack for?

The playoffs!

As I do every year on 4/20, I will be following the Jeopardy! interview segment tonight by saying “Dream blunt rotation. Now let’s get back into the Jeopardy! round.”

I am glad that the Onion was able to take over InfoWars and wish them luck on their mission of covering up the terrible truths that Alex Jones was set to expose

Nice brûlée. Let me guess, crème?

Lol the tech industry is so cooked

Did your company just release a manifesto? NGL that's a bad start. Let me know if you want me to read it before I judge or if you would like to proactively retract and denounce the CEO

There should be a government agency with citizen oversight that determines how weird (negative) a company is being. If they cross a certain threshold they get taxed at like 85% until they can get back below.

Orange fluffy cat inside my car.

I have to go to work and this is not my cat.

SHAGGY: [defending his friend Mel] it wasn’t Mel

Jake Mangum spots kid in the crowd, tosses the ball, and her brother catches it and gives it to her. Dudes rock.

Palelad Likabul

🎵Because your ships
Your ships
Are on my list
Because your ships
Your ships
I can’t permit
Because your ships are on my list
That Iran can’t abide🎵

Why do the Japanese like their buns askew (2026)

I wonder how much the whole Epstein deal has hurt the market for private islands

[eric clapton voice] 🎵...wheels in heaven...🎵

Why was there a picture of Donald Trump in a children's bible?

ME: yea hi I was just calling to see what time we have to checkout?

HOTEL MANAGER: you can checkout any time you like, but you can NEVER LEAVE!!

ME: *covers receiver* he says we can have late checkout

It is true that there was almost no anti-Trump news in 1941, but it's important to remember that the media landscape was vastly different then

there but for the grace of God go I

There is absolutely no reason that I should have to learn that someone called clavicular exists. Shame on all of you.

HER: what are you thinking about?
ME: [thinking about the song "All For One" by Bryan Adams Sting and Rod Stewart from The Three Musketeers soundtrack] same as you probably

Her: You swore you were done conquering!

Me: I am!

She angrily pulls the sheet off the table to reveal it’s a map.

DOCTOR JESUS: [placing hands on me] you are healed

ME: If it's all the same with you I'd still like to do the MRI. Just to be safe.

Last year heard all this noise about them and I was surprised/confused because I knew nothing about them and so I decided to listen to them and then I was even more confused

probably fine

grandma who has to work for Doordash in order to pay for her husbands Doordash bill

unchained mallardy