okay I think I finally understand the thirst trap videos women post of their man carrying the baby out of the hospital

I spent last night working a bridal expo at a casino (for my family/divorce law firm) while my town got its shit rocked by a tornado 30min away from me and those 6 hours will be no fewer than 3 chapters in my memoir

I already buy all of his ties from a company that markets them as groomsmen ties. 🤣

Rockford IL brides, we're ready to chat about prenups at tonight's bridal expo at the Hard Rock. Or you can pretend we don't exist. Either way!

Could you repeat the word? It's SUPPORT! Help us support Family Counseling Services and the amazing work they do for mental health services in our community!

Donate today! e.givesmart.com/events/N87/c...

Photo of Zach holding an angry cat

Fancy would like to issue a Fuck This Shit Warning in response to all of our quality family time in the basement this week

Me, while putting groceries away: hey Ada, we have Peacock again. It's included with Instacart.

Ada: Oh, interesting. I don't think I've ever had peacock before.

Me: You were mad when I stopped it

Ada: We used to have peacock . . . meat?

Me: The television channel.

Ada: *sigh of relief*

not now, orcas

Millions of American voters wanted to be villains. They came to believe it’s the key to success, while goodness is weak, woke, loser stuff, done only to signal.

Offered the option of unvarnished villainy, they enthusiastically took it. Seeing others suffer more made them feel big.

And here we are.

The Moon: oh wow you guys decided to come back

Artemis II crew: earth’s haunted

in the saved by the bell reboot, jessie spano can't stop posting on bluesky

*making a cookie recipe that has to be mixed by hand*

Me: Ada, I need you to scrub in. Wash your hands like somebody's aorta is dissecting on the elevator.

Ada: I'm going to scrub like my best friend's husband has been shot and she's screaming at me to save him.

@adaventurer.com

get out the peanut butter wheelbarrow we're making cookies for the entire county

Screenshot of text conversation where I send a recipe card and my daughter responds with "Jesus"

our heirloom Monster Cookie recipe traumatizes a new generation

I got bangs for the first time in 30 years the same week that Charlie Puth's new Yacht Rock album dropped. I'm going to be INSUFFERABLE this summer.

"all writers use AI" nope, get the entire fuck out of here with that

can we make tomorrow the Day of Cis Invisibility

Photo of Beth, Zach, and Ada at a restaurant table

Hello from the Wahlburgers inside the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid (a 2026 Most American Sentence of the Year contender for me already)
@adaventurer.com
@zachtownsend.bsky.social

Yes I have several. I am trying to make Wolf Shirt Wednesday happen in my office and it's just not catching on.

Okay we did way better during the second round of bread throwing and catching, we might be able to fit in. I am wearing my wolf shirt. I am trying.

Photo of a roll floating in a water glass

I'm sorry Missouri but we are city people and we were unprepared for what "throwed rolls" meant

I can never get Botox, I need people to see the face I make when they say that they asked ChatGPT something

Ada and Illinois State Senator Steve Stadelman

Ada and Illinois State Representative Dave Vella

Ada in the Illinois Supreme Court

Spring break is for legislating and adjudicating

@adaventurer.com

We are in Springfield and accidentally chose a restaurant that was filled with Illinois House and Senate members and Ada spent the night scrolling through headshots under the table like she was collecting Pokemon

Plaque at Lincoln Presidential Museum that says the Funeral Train display was brought to you by Union Pacific

Abe loved a Brand Deal

Only 20min into a cross-country road trip and @adaventurer.com and I stopped at a Petro for snacks and the lady behind the counter said "oh good lord" when she gazed upon our bounty.

almost accidentally ran away from home today because Steve Earle's "Guitar Town" came on while I was on a major highway with my windows down on the first nice day

I've somehow turned my entire Tiktok into the Mark Knopfler guitar solo from "Sultans of Swing" and this is your formal notice that I'm not opening anybody's links again because I must protect this FYP

Next 3 days look like they're going to be wild for all of us!