If I ever get handed a dollar bill with his signature on it I’m burning it on the spot. I don’t care if it’s a full ass stack of hundreds, if it has that awful scribble on it imma zippo that bitch right off

I started hearing random fireworks going off late last night and I was like “holy shit did it happen??” But I looked online and realized it was probably just for the Lunar New Year, which was disappointing.

Gong Xi Fa Cai, may this be the year it finally happens

I mean this defense though

We call on folks nationwide to shut down business as usual until ICE terror ends. With the looming vote on ICE funding, only keeping up the pressure can force Democrats to vote down funding for ICE.

Join us: dsausa.us/ice-actions1...

General strike now

Does anyone know how to contact…every single local AFL-CIO chapter in the country? I have some suggestions

Now this is how you kick off a new year with intention 👏

Attn: Any countries with sufficiently capable special forces,

Come and get him, please.

Sincerely,
Americans

The Scrub Twink is just a thin ring of sponge with a hole in the center you can fit your entire hand through

The Scrub Daddy implies the existence of the Scrub Twink

The Democrats caving means they’re going to lose me forever if they don’t get that Epstein list on my desk by Friday. And it better be good, too. I’m talking scorched earth, dozens of resignations, government-destabilizing stuff

Love this tourism ad in SeaTac. A phrase that could equally be used to describe people in prison!

In an alternate universe Julio walks instead of striking out without being thrown a strike, Cal hits a homer, and Munoz saves. The Mariners still lose to the Dodgers in the World Series, and Donald Trump lives to be 98 and wins two more terms as president, but that is the closest reality to ours

And the award for coolest guy ever goes to: Travis Kelce, for ‘being a Super Bowl champion who used his podcast to pull a billionaire pop star and having a hog so good she wrote a song about it’

How fucking funny would it be if he got raptured today?

I thought they weren’t our dogs anymore

US general strike when?

Damn all that head and he still gets shot in the neck? Guy was at least 70% dome how do you miss that

Eh, not really

Now that’s a woke ass logo! When will the left stop erasing our proud heritage of vowels

Hi, it’s me, the guy from the Cracker Barrel logo. If you’re confused as to why removing me and my barrel from the logo is being viewed as “woke” it’s because that barrel is where I stored all of the little slips of paper I would write the n-word on! Enjoy your eggs!

Celebrating 10 years since our first date. Tiki drinks and beach shirts abound

If we were a real country all of the people on that Jubilee show would’ve been ambushed outside the studio and beaten with baseball bats for openly supporting fascism

I’m at a nominally Jewish wedding and the way the dance floor just cleared for Cotton Eyed Joe, except for a dozen former Bar Mitzvah boys in their 20’s/30’s doing the dance perfectly, was like a painting

Converting to Catholicism like a bandwagoning fan of a team that just won a championship

Obama still living in Trump’s head so much he wanted to have his own controversy about wearing the wrong color suit

Joe Biden for pope #letsgojoe #hisjoeliness

Trump signing all of his oafish, incendiary bullshit posts with “thank you for your attention to this matter” is some of the most beta middle-manager garbage ever

Once these Let Billions Suffer voters see how gruesome letting billions suffer gets they will surely come crawling back to the Let Millions Suffer party and we’ll finally be able to win elections without catering to those troublesome Nobody Should Suffer radicals