One of my favorite Bar Rescue cliches is when they pull up to a dive bar and it doesnt look like Applebees so they say “It doesnt even look like a bar!”

It literally looks exactly like every dive bar Ive ever been to

“Oh you dont have a cocktail list?” Bitch this is a beer and a shot joint

Mine are too, but I was raised by boomer parents 😂

Ive become the Dad that just walks around the house turning off lights

1997 WCW Nitro is obv better than anything on tv today, you shut your mouth

This is the cure for the male loneliness epidemic

Lrt, Baseball should reclassify the Designated Hitter and Football has a new role for Gunners 😂

instead of sudden death OT hockey should have the goalies square off at center ice and see which one is left standing

What do you mean a notch or two?

How much you wanna bet there’s a song about how fascist oligarchy is good actually

The Enhanced Olympics

everybody deserves to have an old Southern man who had a top 10 hit 60 years ago follow them around, agreeing with everything they say and wearing their face on the back of his jacket

I was having this exact conversation with my therapist this morning.

A lot of people just want you to agree with them, they dont care if they’re right or wrong

This is great because nerds are not at all infamous for going out of their way to see spoilers and then getting pissed about it

A lot of them HATE women for making them feel big pee pee time

me at 7 :how come god always just repeats what ma wants

dad: he does it to me too

We used to be a proper country

Brian Cage and Christian Cage in a Cage on a Pole Match.

For non Seattlites, that first gorgeous day, everyone pretends we live in SoCal or something and while I am a staunch feminist, Im also just a man 🤣

Seattlites will understand what I mean when I say:

THEYRE TRYING TO TAKE AWAY THE FIRST HOT DAY OF THE YEAR! THE HOLIEST OF OUR HOLIDAYS! 😭

And overall the fighting back has been modest at best

GIRL YOU IN DANGER!

You ever try to code switch at work and fail? 😂

IF YOU’RE IN LINE TO GET CONTROL OF THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ, STAY IN LINE

I cant describe how much I love how so many people heard New World Order and thought of Vincent/Virgil/Mike Jones

He had a name.

Two types of people in this world: those who hear “new world order” and think crackpot conspiracy theories, and those whose minds immediately go *newnewnew world new world order fuh fuh life we we we are in control*

Me when I’ve become a submissive slave.