FAUXBITUARY: George the Goat George (8,000 BC – 2026 AD), my least favorite neighbor, has died sometime in the last three weeks.

my evil neighbor george died. read his obituary here:
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March Madison - Week 2 San Diego has my seal of approval

forgot to share this yesterday - but I wrote a bit about my new obsession, the seals and sea lions in San Diego (among other things)

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March Madison - Week 1 just a platform for my cows, tbh

back to substack, at least for this month! 🐄

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happy lenten season to those who celebrate, if I were catholic I would give up rickrolling so that I give up never gonna give you up

OFFSTAGE day 24: the rise and fall of a midwest passenger princess avoiding winter storm fern by about 15 minutes

obligatory encouragement to read my essay about driving 15 minutes ahead of winter storm fern

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yeah if i’m taking over something it needs to be worth my time and effort

OFFSTAGE day 11: feeling snailish disco snailish, to be precise

feeling snailish today (more writing! a week’s worth since i last posted, in fact)
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have not played paper mario before — I'm curious now, lemme see if I can find a way to get it on my 3ds...

OFFSTAGE day 3: I am literally Builder Toadette the nonsensical class system in the Super Mario franchise fascinates me

clearly by this and the bread scale, it shows that when I give myself a platform, I devolve into total silliness quickly. enjoy?!

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OFFSTAGE day 1: analog hour my 2¢ on getting off social media a bit

posting my writing online for anyone to see is scary — which is why I'm doing it daily this month. read my chronically online ramblings about getting offline here ☞
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Rudy press conference at 4 seasons total landscaping

HAPPY FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING DAY TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE

trying not to look at the polls *too* much, but even though the manhattan DA candidate i’ve worked for the past few months, diana florence, has not gotten anywhere close to winning, we ran a kickass campaign on a shoestring budget, and our votes outpace other independent races in the city!!!

between may and today, i’ve been excited about mamdani. starting january 1st, i will find new, surprising reasons to hate him like i do with all other mayors regardless of politics. this feels like the 5 days between christmas and new years’ on steroids.

yorkville has gotten a bit yuppie in the past ~10 years in a way that has somehow made it less bland, and c’mon, you know our old neighbors were anything but bland

right now the answer may be tribeca

in other news, I’m canvassing for manhattan DA candidate diana florence (she’s awesome and you should vote for her) and the strangest thoughts come into my head while traveling around the city to different poll sites

more thoughts re: bread coming soon, but for now I propose the grape scale of secrecy, starting from wine casket and ending with raisin

good one 👍🏻👍🏻

delicious thank you 🥰

yes I loooove scallion pancakes; they would go around injera on the scale

many have questioned my placement of naan; I put it twd the right because of its thickness/texture/because I love naan, but you’ve given me the most convincing argument to move it left

the answer to that is that I’ve actually never had mantou before, and xlb is by far the most bread-y out of the array of chinese dumplings
(I plan to try mantou and hua juan soon! continuum 2.0 will have a lot more bread)

I think they’re well-suited for the middle because they‘re a good intro to the more complex breads! corn bread is more twd the right bc it’s complex, texturally
croissant to the right of english muffin; brioche tbd; my opinion on sourdough is redacted bc it’s too controversial for the internet

no, but I am an IVF baby, so ymmv about whether or not I have a soul 🤷🏼‍♀️

those & baguettes are to the right of crepes

I’m guessing by the 🇨🇦 in your name that you live in canada, but if you’re ever in new york city, I *highly* recommend By the Way Bakery… they sell exclusively gf/df pastries and they are life-changing

I consider the ability to make good gf bread/pastries a HUGE deal, so a well-made gf loaf of bread is pretty damn close to everything bagel!

I definitely need to refine the details of this scale… but in the case of banana walnut bread (or any banana bread), it’d be juuuuuuust to the right of an english muffin

"The Bread Scale of Triviality," alt-texted:

omg thank you so much for doing this! much appreciated