If you’re a student, you’re free to argue in a submitted essay that the signatories of the Treaty of Utrecht were guided by Jesus, that Catch-22 is based on Exodus, or that there are only two genders because God says so.

But in each case, you’d be wrong, and giving you a zero isn’t persecution.

Wrong! It was the Marines. What a liar.

Having just watched the most recent episodes of Andor, my current mood in the face of incipient fascism is Mon Mothma at that fuckin wedding. I will not be taking questions at this time.

Oh good. We’re saved.

Thank god for all the Dumbfuckery, Egotism, and Incompetence hires in the current administration, without whom journalists (and really anyone else inadvertently included on the Groupchat of the Damned) would have to wait until *after* military strikes had already happened to hear about them.

That’s…that’s literally all the lines.

Thank goodness Schumer preemptively capitulated or the Democrats might’ve actually used the little leverage they had to achieve something.

Let’s say for the sake of argument that Trump is *not* a Russian agent. If he was, how would that Oval Office meeting have gone differently?

iPhone Dictation Feature Transcribes the Word ‘Racist’ as ‘Trump’ The company said it was working to fix the problem after iPhone users began reporting the issue.

They say bug, I say feature!

Video Shows a Rare ‘Doomsday’ Fish Off the Coast of Mexico Oarfish are rarely documented by scientists, but one was seen this month by a group visiting a beach in Mexico.

It’s probably just a coincidence.

Gulf of Map Explorer Create and share your own custom Gulf maps with MapQuest

Never thought MapQuest would be relevant again but man I’m having way too much fun with this.

Big congrats to brain worms. Huge win today.

a group of cartoon characters are standing in front of a christmas tree and looking surprised . ALT: a group of cartoon characters are standing in front of a christmas tree and looking surprised .

When the Eagles keep sacking Mahomes, even when they’re up by 20-30-odd points

So our esteemed President thinks we should own Panama, Greenland, all of Canada, and now Gaza. The only thing dumber than America First is its successor: America Everywhere.

The people who’ve been saying that the government doesn’t do anything sure are giving Americans a real-time lesson in just how many vital things the government does for them.

Trump Administration Halts H.I.V. Drug Distribution in Poor Countries PEPFAR’s computer systems also are being taken offline, a sign that the program may not return, as Republican critics had hoped.

Ah yes. The wasteful government spending on…treating disease. Gotta put a stop to that.

Regarding the Elon salute-that-was-definitely-a-Nazi-salute thing, keep in mind that Neil Patrick Harris was dressed like this in Starship Troopers and there were *still* plenty of people who didn’t get that he was supposed to be a Nazi.

So…maybe some people are just terrible at recognizing Nazis?

Is this game an actual game now?

Hell of a missed FG right there.

Trump Swears Oath Without His Hand on Bible, but He Wasn’t Required To The tradition of swearing the oath of office on a Bible stretches back to George Washington, but not all presidents have observed it.

Just try to imagine the frothing, incandescent anger that would emanate from the chorus of right-wing online outrage-machine nutjobs if any Democratic President did this.

Border Patrol Shooting Under Investigation in Vermont State Police said the shooting happened on Interstate 91, but provided no additional details.

Not the border I thought they’d be all about but kudos to the Border Patrol for really getting into the xenophobic mood right off the bat.

a man wearing a helmet with the words if we stay together we survive written on it . ALT: a man wearing a helmet with the words if we stay together we survive written on it .

Didn’t think my loins could get any more girded but here we are. Keep your people close and be ready to reach out to those who may not have as much support as you. It’s gonna suck but we can get through this. Good luck to you all.

a man wearing a music band shirt is holding a skateboard over his shoulder ALT: a man wearing a music band shirt is holding a skateboard over his shoulder

Hi!!! Though at our age on a new social media app these days it’s more like:

a man wearing a helmet and goggles is making a funny face . ALT: a man wearing a helmet and goggles is making a funny face .

TikTok users after a harrowing 18 hours without any TikTok.

USA destroying Venezuela right now. But it’s in soccer so it won’t affect the defense budget or anything.

Moving the inauguration indoors ensures the dozens of attendees will have a good view of the speeches.

It seems fitting that a drastically warming Earth, which Republicans are hell-bent on exploiting no matter what, will still blast everyone who stands outside in supplication to TFG with icy winds the entire time. I hope his hair freezes into an unusual and amusing shape mid-way through his speech.

bob ross from bob 's burgers is standing in front of a closet with clothes hanging on it . ALT: bob ross from bob 's burgers is standing in front of a closet with clothes hanging on it .

Guess I’ll check out this Bluesky thing all the young’uns keep talking about. So I have to find all my friends here now? Well…