If only people invested the same amount of time, money, and energy on being better looking into being better people.

We're both saying the same thing. I'm just saying it in a sexier voice.

🎶 hold me closer tiny necromancer

Hey gang. I'd like to apologize. I read over my posts &, well, you're right not to like them.

If two vegans get into a fight, is it still considered beef

You know what else is a liar? Ramen noodles. One brick is two servings? I think the hell not.

Please stay calm and drink your coffee while the ruling class explains why your mug literally being on fire is actually a good thing.

Princess Donut with a Dirty Shirley

Viva la Revolucion Carl

Wonderwall came on and himself started doing Donut impressions. (Ignore this if you don’t DCC.)

I once read “baby busters”, neither boomer nor gen x, but that was ages ago and I never saw it again

join me in this shallow grave by the river, we can lovingly gaze until the crows pick our eyes out

Do they still teach arithmetic in school these days?

Like I said 😉

I know the purge when I see it.

[me loudly as i go thru the fence gate i rebuilt last summer] dang that’s a sturdy gate

Found myself smiling before I realized that Boston was playing in the background of this café, so shut up, yes I know what a fucking dinosaur I am but at least I can balance a checkbook. If you don’t want to join me for a coffee then get off my damn lawn.

The future sneaking up behind you.

Fridge full.
Nothing to eat.
Again.

VERY COOL PERSON: It's four-twenty, you know what that means?

ME: Hell yeah! [starts shoving blackbirds into a pie]

im a leftie but i shoot pool right-handed i contain multitudes, what’s your fuckin’ problem

so much personality

When I was little, my parents took me to the Grand Canyon. My father kept talking about how big it was. All I could see was a bunch of rocks I couldn't reach or climb on.
Looking at my calendar for the week reminded me of that.

Playing a hilarious prank on my future self by throwing a plate of beans straight up in the air

That's a genuinely non-judgmental look, the kind you never see in our own species.

From here it comes to there it goes.

need to roll around in some love and kindness

(dream it up, dream it down)

oh ha ha I thought you said postcards at first, flashcards are fine. I might learn something.

In memoriam, for your b-hole. 😢

Nothing better to do with a bonfire than show it your hands, imo