I’m currently reading a book called:
“How to Sleep Through the Night” ..
Written by Ann S. Thesia & Ian Somniac.

Whilst I don't believe it is true, I have been told it is called "PMS" because "Mad cow disease" was taken !

A friend of mine is setting up their own business, designing and making reversible jackets.
Really interested to see how they turn out.

Police are investigating why the plaque on the wall outside the Colgate head office keeps disappearing.

So many people, when they get the call up, look for any excuse or loophole to avoid Jury Duty.

The best way to guarantee avoiding Jury Duty is to always be the defendant.

I've been told the best thing about turning 100 is no peer pressure !

Parallel lines have so much in common…

it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Samson was a powerful biblical warrior.

His father, Samsonite, was even more of a hard case.

I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.
That has always been my Achilles' elbow.

My mate was in Chernobyl in the 1990’s. He watched that Chernobyl documentary and he counted 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.

My uncle owned a coal company but he mostly kept it to himself.
He always mined his own business.

My father worked 14 hours a day to put food on the table.
Good man. But a terribly slow cook.

I just can't believe that I got the sack from the Calendar factory after all the extra days I put in.

I’ve had a terrible week.
Learning that the authorities had my pet lion taken away, that was the last roar.

Did you know there’s no official training for a garbage collector?

They just pick it up as they go along.

Never solve math problems for short people.
Make the little things count.

I went to a ballet last night.
All those women dancing on their tip-toes.

Made me wonder why they didn't just find taller women.

2 postmen got jailed yesterday for stealing a calendar.
They got 6 months each.

I don’t know why staring at fish in a tank is so comforting?
Must be the In-door-fins.

I know a teacher who says she has never farted in public.
She’s a private tutor.

Just want to say that since I had surgery on my neck I have never looked back.

My cloning experiments finally paid off.

I'm so excited, I'm beside myself.

I tried catching fog the other day.

Mist

The surface of the earth is approx 70% water.
None of it is carbonated, thus proving the earth is flat.

I have this long time recurring dream that I am a goat.
Been happening since I was a kid.

Steve Winwood started his solo career in 1977.
Would’ve started sooner but he was stuck in Traffic.

My mum gave me an envelope marked. " Not to be opened until my passing".
Inside was a list of reasons why I can't be trusted to carry out simple instructions.

Dear Mrs. Stone,
As usual we are declining your offer to donate blood. For obvious reasons.

I know a person who gender neutral and also lactose intolerant.

That makes them non-buy-dairy.

I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.