doing it for the aura

speaking of ideation i have so much worldbuilding for no reason whatsoever

i don't write stories i don't do roleplay i don't have any purpose for all the things i make and yet i have so much of it

i guess i just like writing encyclopaedia entries i should get hired for that

idk how blogs work these stuffs are scary lowkey and also everyone is better at html and css and js than me \#painery

related to the last two posts i NEED to get my website done lmao i genuinely need a place to dump all these thoughts and all the stuff i make before i go insane

related to the last post i used to love arting but when my father and brother started bonding over art of like cars and anime i completely stopped out of envy and i think thats where it all started

i am the root of my own downfall

aesthetic perfectionism and inferiority complex do NOT mix well and its probably why none of my creative projects end up even near past the ideation phase

another mind garble to add to the bluesky

making friends is hard 💔💔💔 tfw i don't put myself out there and i don't make friends 😨😨😨😨 how could this happen!!

why are my parents so insistent on pseudoadopting (really its just kidnapping) this specific stray cat

idk maybe it just feels better that someone isnt just wanting us to die or be sent to prison or deported or sumn. its probably a low bar but when the bar is in hell you take what u can get

living in a country where a majority of ppl support lgbtqphobic sentiments its sometimes nice to see someone say "we dont want to persecute [muslim LGBTQ folk], we just want them to return to their faith"

i think i can respect that. i think i can understand that sort of mindset even if i disagree

new semester new fucking enrollment system kill me now

bro thinks he's in stardew valley

social media genuinely kinda makes me nauseous like wdym i have to stop walking somewhere bcz you need to record something (literally typing this while the content director is behind me im so sorry)

its like they permeate my brain

my favourite thing is when i pretend to be sociable while working and wave at passerbys and they just stare at me awkwardly

RADIO WORK RADIO WORK RADIO WORK RADIO WORK RADIO WORK RADIO WORK RADIO WORK RADIO WORK RADIO WORK RADIO WORK

relatable

i interpret the "however" definition to be akin to "at the same time" in showing that 2 contrasting situations can occur simultaneously (thus both can be considered "now")

i am so pained

incredible that i have a sore throat 3 days before we are supposed to go officially live for the first time

then again idk if the other mgrs want non-students to be in our student radio. feels incorrect to me but idk these ppl want what they want

a RETIRED ACCOUNTANT no less idk what they're gonna help us with we don't even have finances in the first place

to be fair the member recruitment part is my fault i did not specify we were looking for students only

on the other hand are we really surprised that our tiny team filled with graduating seniors wouldnt end up recruiting graduating seniors for HOD

oh dear our poorly coordinated recruitment for members and HODs has resulted in unexpected edge cases whatever shall we do (/sarcastic)

idk maybe i'm just too woke for this bullshit university and it's bullshit work ethic

also we are fucking 11 people the system you're trying to push requires 13 unique roles AND subordinate members to go with it. WHERE are you getting these members. do you wanna make a recruitment department and increase that amount to 15 unique roles

idk am i stupid for preferring the casual horizontal communication we've been having. we can't even record any new content or go live because we don't have access to any equipment yet. why are we doing this *first*.

anyway the new recruit in our student radio is pushing hard for a traditional club hierarchy with a president and departments and vertical communication and what not and lowkey it is completely sapping me of my interest for this thing

so glad no one i work with even know what bluesky is bcz that means i can put all my frustrations here without fear of persecution

mu mu mu mu mu!!