Drawing of a book with a desk printer on the cover with the title "The printer that simply worked and other fairy tales"

putting ”go pee“ on my to-do list for the evening

~just little adhd things~

Frog pours Toad a hot cup of tea while Toad asks about Frog's childhood. From "The Corner" In *Frog and Toad All Year*

“And was it?” asked Toad.

it is actually really easy to make sure your work is -not- attributed to you. to make it really easy to steal, really unprofitable. it is so trivially easy to be not famous & have your words belong To The People that if that is your ethical stance, being a famous anarchist means you don’t believe it

no one is more precious about their body of work being attributed to them & used by them for financial and social capital than an anarchist who thinks everyone else is bad for wanting the same.

i really love when the kinds of anarchists whose bread and butter is writing —the ones who gain massive followings & retweet their every blog post for more views & have multiple book publications— loudly call other ppl “intellectual property landlords” it’s really funny

We love the library!
#nationallibraryweek

Man insisting they are not perplexed, just very squinty in the sunlight

Gf: yes you are the man in a yellow jacket with a perplexed look
Me: I'm not perplexed, the concrete is just really bright!

Walking past a guy who I thought was talking to us: Footnote, there is a man in a yellow jacket with a perplexed look on his face
Me, looking around, then looking down at my jacket and finally to my gf: was that about me?

anyway i swear all my intrusive thoughts & obsessive anxieties are just variations on this theme

also my brothers once told me a story of like, some stalker or something that was On the Loose but we were eating dinner at the time & i had this vivid intrusive thought that this stalker’s face would press up against our window so for yrs i ate w/ my back to the window to avoid this

when i was a kid long before i knew what intrusive thoughts or phobias were, i had really bad scopophobia (the fear of being stared at) but only by photographs/pictures (which were esp “stare-y”) they all were Alive and Looking At Me & it was a very all-encompassing fear

she pulled her mouth to a concern frown in an exaggerated talking-to-kindergartener way while asking me in baby-talk, “have you been anxious since you were a little girl?” like who do you help. wdym i’m not ready for therapy when you’re talking like this & can’t remember i’m not a girl

walked in there having asked for therapy for ocd &ptsd & spent the whole time misgendering me & talking like it was just some vague non-specific anxiety then was like, well idk. maybe you need to fix yourself first before i can help you. like sure, didn’t know i was *too* sick for therapy, thanks

remember when i attempted to go to therapy for ocd like a decade ago & the therapist told me that me being so fucking wrecked and so at the end of my rope i didn’t even know how to help myself was actually a sign i wasn’t “ready” for therapy & perhaps i should “try again when you are” bc i remember

Taking it as a victory sign I can even post about it because that usually means the hold it has on my brain is slipping and most of what's left is the somatic experience of it all

The intrusive thoughts are less loud than the rules they created for me to follow

This picture makes me feel sick to look at, no it doesn't make any sense, no I cannot rationally explain to you why that would even be, it just Does

Me, explaining what I mean about how much obsessive anxiety can feel so embarrassingly stupid: imagine if standing in front of you bedroom window to see the sunset made you want to die

watched the sunset for a bit from my bedroom window while the panic chewed at my brain but i did it

my whole nervous system feels so fucking wrecked and exhausted

ok so i didn’t know instagram put in an ai “rewrite” button when you go to post stuff and now i understand why instagram captions have been especially mind-numbing lately

every single day I‘m in my house with a stress headache wanting to curl into a ball & everyday i keep doing new things to push against these ocd-imposed rules that have built so many walls around me.

i just want it Known that when your obsessions are about your -entire- living space there is no distraction, no reprieve, the very thing that’s supposed to be safe makes me shake with dread & terror all of the time. i am fighting and i am tired 24/7 and i am still trying

and look. it doesn’t make sense and i cannot explain it to anyone else because the logic of these obsessions would sound absolutely bonkers to anyone who doesn’t live in my head.

and this past week i finally made myself go upstairs which i had also been Super Avoiding. i also have been living in just a tiny little corner of my bedroom so today i finally managed to do a bunch of cleaning of my bedroom. and it’s all hard & i’m still doing it.

under the guise of working on zines, so i just need it on the Record, how hard i have been fighting, pushing against all these rules my brain has created, these monsters of anxieties that loop & loop. I still can’t look out most of the windows but I have been sitting in the kitchen nook everyday

that have made me shrink & shrink. all the photos I’ve taken where I’m in the living room looking out those windows is bc it reached a point where that was the only safe space & the only safe windows, aside from the basement where I basically hid from my obsessive anxiety for an entire month

so my current life-ruining obsessions are all related to the house (bc ofc they are, that’s how ocd works) & i already went through all the normal ones, the anxieties the average person might have moving into a new (nearly 100 yr old) house, so instead my brain created highly specific Weird Ones

Especially on the days I can't hold myself steady🫂🫶