“The unnecessary complication of our relationship is that you are the one with the maid outfit and yet I do all the cleaning.”

my bfs mother is old enough to be bigoted in interesting ways. when he told her about me her first comment was “all of them used to walk the meat market” and immediately assumed i was a prostitute that he had procured.

the first love poem i ever wrote was meant to describe the bliss of idling in bed with someone. she was over the moon. but i wasnt in love, only pretending to be, and in retrospect its obvious. i read it now and its about the bed itself, how wonderful it would be to lay down, never get up

can you ever get over wanting to tell people about all the bad things that happened to you. like does it ever go away. or do you just always have to choose between being wildly inappropriate or feeling alienated from all life.

Ask seeming-employee when this train is leaving. Says, “Oh i dont know haha, oh its not - Haha! I don’t actually work here (gestures to his commuter line branded jacket) but yes, I am an enthusiast!” Alright. Enthusiast. You don’t even know what the fuck my train is up to, but sure.

this was about the warden from superjail (do not laugh, i have already been mocked) but is a broadly applicable definition

used the descriptor “boyfriendy,” as in, “he’s very boyfriendy.” had to explain what i meant. thought long and hard. landed on: foolishly egotistical, benignly sadistic.

celeste has definitely done kaiji level gambling tortures to many down on their luck moids

knight-poet of old, suddenly speaking in youtube apology voice: “This will probably never happen again, but-“

i like the parts of parzival where the 13th century poet randomly interjects to say shit like “i love and respect women but my ex is a cheating whore and for some reason all her friends are angry at me for saying this when i literally did nothing wrong.”

googling “do i ghave conssusuon” “do i concussion” for ten minutes, unaware that im still on the AliceSoft wiki

i think the coolest thing about my family is that they have never made me happy.

you have a great eye for what makes her heads so special, i feel so much distance between the far darkness of the eye sockets, the softness of the nose. makes me too aware of how labored my own breathing is. lovely lovely

Nancy Grossman studies to keep myself awake tonight.

Taking the Kobayashi Maru but just putting a phaser in my mouth until they let me win

half right is yhe best song he ever made though

sudden waves. and cold

DREAM: mom and a new house. its big and has many rooms. she’s helping me move inside. food, flowers. endless stuff. she hands me the keys, leaves. and it is as if it all hits some instant expiry. everything rots down to the boards. outside, yelling: how could you give this to me? without telling me?

mononoke (the 2007 show) and kare kano…

do therapists actually work. seems fake.

this one is like a barely legible set of words so it feels transcendent. you have to read it aloud to unlock its qualities.

everything that happens to me is karmic debt from my 100 year reign as a callous princeling. the emperor created the art of Go to soothe my stormy heart and i played it as i did the victims of my torture gardens. this is why im continuously molested for All Time.

sick with myself

i havent slept right in ages. stomach in somersaults. feel like im midway to an ulcer. i just want something to go my way.

total terror, bundle of nerves

im an extended joke for the consumption of human beings

complete anne sexton 🔥🔥🔥

i dont want to live in a haunted house. there’s no room to breathe.

being home feels perverse. i can get on a plane in new england, a place where the air is air and trees are only trees, i set down in the south and suddenly these things bend towards me. i look at the sun through the leaves, heat off the roadside, and it all means something to me. its not normal.

a moment of lightness can ruin my whole day. i can love it for a minute and then, inevitably, i’ll track it back to some pain or central missingness that’s bound to boomerang. i see the shadow as it spins. that’s just the kind of person i am.