I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake By A Horse Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where they want to go. The main food the humans give me is hay and oats. But I am thinking it would be nice to have a different food. I am thinking I would like to try cake. Yes, yes. Cake. I know all about it. When humans eat cake, it is in glad times. It is the food for a celebration, such as when a woman becomes 47. I have seen cake on the Fourth of July. When humans have a cake, they stand around it and clap hands and smile and say happy birthday at each other. Sometimes there are beautiful markings on a cake, such as balloons or a pink shape. Sometimes the top of a cake is on fire and a boy must blow on the fire with mouth wind. This is the scariest cake. I do not want this kind. But I will eat any other cake. Any cake that is not the fire cake that tries to kill the boy. Please understand: I do not get money for doing work. I do not get to go inside the house. All I am either doing my horse job or standing in my pen or eating food off the floor. I always do these things. But I have never once gotten cake and I would like it very much. I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children. I am more helpful to the farm. Children do not move the heavy things like me or let anyone ride on them. And yet they get cake. Maybe the humans will realize this. Maybe they will say, "You know who deserves cake? That horse. That horse whose back we are always on." Every day I dream about what it will be like if I get to eat cake. Here is what will happen. First, I will walk to the cake and putt my nose at it like hrrfff to make and stomping my hooves to make sure it is not a snake. Then I will trot in a circle to show that I am a horse and I am large. After that, I will nuzzle the cake to …

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me.

It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

A Little Owl is bundled in a baby blue towel on a table with an expression of malcontent. His eyes are squinted and slightly crossed, and match his waxy yellow beak in colour. He appears chinless, recessing his head into his body; eyes at the same level as his shoulders and squashed as though someone had tried resizing him in a Word document and forgot to lock the aspect ratio.

A Little Owl was rescued after falling down a chimney. South Essex Wildlife Hospital reported he was "dirty and dehydrated but soon on his way back home". Want to donate to SEWH? southessexwildlife.org/donate Source: fb.com/555952912555... #owlsintowels 💛🦉

When someone says „Scientists do not want you to know“ you can dismiss everything from there on. Scientists want you to know. They are desperate that you know. They can’t shut up about what they found out and want you to know.

I propose to make universal the old policy of the Blackfriars conference at the American Shakespeare Center:

If you do not end your paper on time, you will be forced to exit, pursued by a bear. Literally, a bear will come take your paper from you.

Message from Doc Bees, an engineer: 'Also I spilled honey on my jumper and am having issues with a cloud, so it's being a right A. A. Milne of a morning. '

It's Valentine's Day so I get to make you look at one thing my partner said

YES thank you this is what pushed it into fuckrightoff territory for me.

"Goodness. I wonder if that happens every time."

The motion of chunks!

The Gender Critical have already inundated this survey with their disgusting views on banning trans people from using the ponds.

Would be a shame if we inundated with trans positive views on not banning trans people.

hampstead-heath-bathing-ponds.commonplace.is/en-GB/propos...

I really like all the small signs of life in your landscapes. Little fellows having a peaceful time.

yes this is the face, yes

Ben does such a good turn of phrase.

Stan Announces New Series 'The Killings: Parrish Station' Production has begun on a new Stan Original cold case crime series, 'The Killings: Parrish Station', due to premiere next year.

Well this is extremely fucken exciting. Insanely blessed with this cast and team. Going to set every day not quite believing it, trying not to knock anything over. au.variety.com/2025/tv/news...

This is the perfect amount of little guy. Have a good rest.

Great to see a new season of the Katering Show in the works.

Nancy Mace tweet: Time to bring back the death penalty superimposed on an image of Mr. Burns tenting his fingers as he talks to a crowd

Smithers whispers in Mr. Burns's ear

Mr. Burns pushes Smithers away

Nancy Mace tweet: We truly belive if Tyler Robinson had ever sat down across from Charlie, the great debater, the man of faith and grace he was Tyler wouldn't have pulled the trigger superimposed on an image of a chastened Mr. Burns speaking to the crowd about a different subject

How many, Dave. Dave. How many.

I hadn't much thought about the difference between plot and story before. Cheers for the most encouraging fruit infestation metaphor I've seen.

joust on a rickety bridge over lava joust on a rickety bridge over lava...... okay that works too, but I like my idea better.

"We're less racist than these other countries and, therefore, not racist," is a statement I'd like to never hear again please.

If it helps, everything Chewbacca says can be subtitled, "For fuck's sake".

Investigate the loudest moss you can find, it might be more.

anyone else reading 'teased' in the playground bully sense

My partner, the most unflappable person I've ever met, was a big horror fan, could cheerfully sit through things that I would have had to bleach out of my memory. Then they watched some of Martyrs, stopped, and was done with the whole genre for a good while.

This is a perfect example of my inability to predict what people will like. Like I thought the myth of the golden dong one would hit much harder, but this one is going places.

People think I have artistic integrity, but I'm really just *incredibly* inept at giving the audience what it wants.

Each new device I see, I wonder how it'll take revenge during the robot uprising.

Today is my birthday (turning 29), which is the only time all year that I ask for a repost 🌿
I hope you get lost in fantasy worlds as much as I do 🔮

OSA is gonna make us lose access to fucking wikipedia

write to your MPs.

Trundling lemon cake of the trees