The first thing I saw online this morning was someone comparing vegan eggs with blackface and I think I'm done with the Internet today, thanks.

My 5yo says he's half vegetarian.

I wasn't aware that was an option.

I was grocery shopping with both kids and a woman approached me. She told me I was the calmest and most respectful parent she has seen in a long time.

I guess she missed the part when I told the kids I'd ram the cart into them if they didn't take more than a micro step forward.

I grunt when I'm lifting weights (yeah, I know, but at least I do it at home so no one has to hear me). Today, I realized that rather than emitting the last rep number of each set, I'm grunting "good job" to myself. Nice self-talk, me!

I'm pretty sure that "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" is dumb to the core.

I never really processed how stupid that lyric is, and now I'll never hear the song without registering it. Christmas music is ripe fodder for dumb lyrics in general though.

My small child tonight at bedtime: "Nothing will break our love".

😭

Happy Friday Pie Day to all who celebrate.

My 5yo just had a minor choking incident because "popcorn went down the vegetable hole".