I think I’m finally bored of Bluesky, farewell to my 3 readers👋

!!! WHAT

See also: therapistfinder.com

I fully just BIT my dentist, so lmk if you have a good one (he was not into it)

Using this as a reaction pic next time I say the wrong thing

There’s a can of fizzy peach that’s been in the work fridge since I started in Feb, and like do you think I can steal it at this point or is someone waiting for it to get extra crispy

What the fuck, I’m so sorry x

I’ve been at my workplace for 8 months now and have managed to get completely the wrong train, well done me. Will “sorry I’m late, I’ve ended up in Reading” cut it, do we think

I just set off the alarms in Sainsbury’s and the security guy said I could just go because I had a “lovely chest”??? Ew. Anyway, joke’s on him, I have an entire rotisserie chicken in my bra.

Being a landlord

Life has become much sadder ever since I started weighing out the recommended 75g pasta portion

Been talking about this with my colleagues all morning, so thanks for this! Didn’t even occur to me that it was good old fashioned tax evasion.

Channel 4 commissions political drama about 10 Downing Street from Sherlock team British public broadcaster Channel 4 has commissioned a political drama written by Steven Moffat and produced by ITV Studios-owned Hartswood Films.

Moffat has stolen my idea for a drama about Larry

Wow, bit of a savage dig there, I wonder who wrote- oh, right.

You’ve honestly made my day with this intel

During a private moment with the wife, she asked if it would help speed things along if she spoke with an American accent like in adult movies. She then proceeded to shout 'HOWDY PARTNER' in a bad American accent in my ear. Safe to say the moment was killed.

“Unlike the penguins who are fairly orderly, the squirrel monkeys queue barge," says Dan” - stop 😭

Cannot believe I missed the BBC livestream of London Zoo’s weigh-in day. Going to have to wait til Fat Bear Week for my annual dose of chonky animals now :(

Feast of the Ass - Wikipedia

What’s your favourite medieval tradition I’ll go first

People on the overground are much more attractive than people on the underground. Discuss.

He looks like he’s about to catcall me from his building site and then call me an ugly bitch when I don’t look up

the rest is better:

Wish me luck explaining this to my nan

This is beautiful

The scoops just keep coming! Or not, in this case.

Have substacked about how I love satc and hate reboots if that’s your thing (but am proud to say I only namecheck che once!)

open.substack.com/pub/hmaelc/p...

365 partygirl

I’m off to see Weapons and will be FURIOUS if it’s bad

Thrilled you’ve finally written about Brat

Not to show off but isn’t #DestinationX pointlessly easy until the final bit? Like the clues are really obvious??