How do you president so bad gold becomes worth less? It’s gold!

Trump Fires Noem, Nominates Markwayne Mullin To Fuck Corey Lewandowski on Luxury Jets WASHINGTON — President Trump will be firing Secretary of Homeland Security and nominating Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin to take over all of her duties, including having sex with advisor Corey…

Trump Fires Noem, Nominates Markwayne Mullin To Fuck Corey Lewandowski on Luxury Jets
thehardtimes.net/breaking/tru...

How do I know if I’m a 12?

hey sorry I haven’t been following football, are the Seahawks a religious cult?

In Response to Trump’s Tasteless Meme, We Put His Face on the Body of a Known Rapist and Pedophile It’s a sad state of affairs that we’ve all just gotten used to childish, wildly inappropriate behavior from our own president. He shares AI slop, calls reporters pigs, says a million things a day…

In Response to Trump’s Tasteless Meme, We Put His Face on the Body of a Known Rapist and Pedophile
thehardtimes.net/blog/in-resp...

Conservative Men Use Empty Melania Theaters for Grindr Hookups WASHINGTON — Multiple D.C. area movie theaters say Republican members of Congress and congressional staffers have begun using empty screenings of “Melania,” a documentary about first lady Melania…

Conservative Men Use Empty Melania Theaters for Grindr Hookups
thehardtimes.net/breaking/con...

Watching citizens get gunned down in the streets by government sanctioned thugs and the president trying to hide his involvement in a sex trafficking ring and I’m just like “What is this country, some kind of BUSINESS?!”

Who feels safer today?

KILL them with nICEties, I always say

I live under a growing fascist dictatorship and all I can think about today is The Bone Temple, such a good movie!

Ah, Dilbert’s famous mouth.

I feel like Trump is starting to realize Hitler was a relatively young man

This is exactly like that George Orwell novel, “A Clergyman’s Daughter”

Hey, quick poll:

You believe a car is about to strike you down (side note, they’re not), do you:

A. Easily jump out of the way and live

B. Fire your weapon at the driver, which of course will not stop the car in time but you’ll take them with you! Yeah!

I’ll give em credit for one thing, I am completely distracted from the Epstein files. I’m loosing details of Ghislaine’s face as we speak

Oh I see, he “followed procedure perfectly”but also he only opened fire because of PTSD from a previous ramming incident. Cool.

What is not deniable, what is truly important at the end of the day, is that most of us don’t want to live in a country where a person can be shot for doing what that woman did, and it’s our fucking country.

Feds are blocking Minnesota from investigating the ICE shooting. Are they afraid the investigation will include that video we all saw? The one with the murder? Cause yeah, that would be pretty damning

When you google “Mark Zuckerberg net worth” it should just say “Zero friends.”

Welcome to Derry succeeds by playing on our greatest internal fear: Pennywise the Clown cornering us and delivering 5 strait minutes of exposition

Kash Patel Vows To Arrest Brown University Shooter as Soon as FBI Finishes Engraving, Planting Shell Casings PROVIDENCE, R.I. - FBI Director Kash Patel has informed reporters of a breakthrough in the manhunt for the Brown University shooter, stating that they will arrest the suspect as soon as the agency's f...

Kash Patel Vows To Arrest Brown University Shooter as Soon as FBI Finishes Engraving, Planting Shell Casings

We Sat Down With the Ghostwriter of Trump’s Touching Eulogy To Rob Reiner When you enter the world of politics, you are no longer just a person; you’re a brand. Everything you say publicly has to match that brand, that singular energy that defines your public perception. Th...

We Sat Down With the Ghostwriter of Trump’s Touching Eulogy To Rob Reiner

Make Satire Possible Again

Yearning for a simpler time when you could just sit around and pretend lyrics like “Godspeed all the bakers at dawn” meant something

I watched Happy Gilmore 2 because I believe in recycling

All I know is it’s a beautiful day, and all republicans are scum

Already pumped for how mean I’m going to be on the internet when Chevy Chase dies

The Movie “Her” Didn’t Prepare Me for How Much My AI Girlfriend Would Mention White Genocide I’ve never been great with human people. Maybe that’s why when Spike Jonze released his film “Her” back in 2013, my budding young incel brain swirled with possibility. The idea of taking the human out...

The Movie “Her” Didn’t Prepare Me for How Much My AI Girlfriend Would Mention White Genocide

I love you more than nobody likes Bill Maher

May you all have another wonderful secret today!