Trump calling the pope "weak on crime" is unfortunately a great bit, but we'll see better as the feud progresses. Trump only really has so many rhetorical moves at this point and is rapidly regressing into fey Broadway insults, but we could see "he's losing his 'look'" and "his 'hat' doesn't play."

Once again, the only really good April Fool’s bit online was the unlicensed Pokemon emulator replacing the sprites with goofy ones

My little brother, who has only recently started getting into The News, read today’s Noem News and made me laugh

I updated iOS. I have been rewarded with a handful of new emojis and the screenshot process having an extra step

Listening again to @jessethorn.bsky.social’s Bullseye interview with PUP, and it’s not good to have parasocial relationships with artists, but every member of the band is my friend. We have never met

Every time I pass the Brooklyn coffeeshop “Dark Necessity” it reminds me of the TV show Dexter

I keep getting this YouTube ad with the line “You don’t find yourself on a boat cruise by accident.” Boat cruise.

Just heard my favorite pizza man call another guy “boss.” Rough day

For a time, being a member of the Dirty Projectors was the coolest thing you could be. But very few of us did it

we expelled them, blacklisted them, called cops to beat the shit out of them, and deported them. why aren't they protesting again? i'm very smart

Ok sharks, here’s the concept: It’s called The Nurse. It’s like urgent care but we give you an ice pack and you can put your head down for 40 mins

“A new membership-based dental service.” Perfect. That was the problem with my dentist, too many casuals and walk-ins

We are monetarily delayed due to train traffic ahead of us. We had no idea that there would be trains on the train tracks

Reading up on Texas politics

Passed a guy wearing a Mr. Plow jacket and a Futurama hat. Just casually Groeninged out

It’s time. We need a Bluesky liaison work slot (cc @joshuajfriedman.com)

How busy is the @foodcoop.bsky.social?

No one told me that The Righteous Gemstones season 2 includes both Eric Andre and Jason Schwartzman. This information was withheld from me, I believe maliciously

A pigeon and rat canoodle atop street signs for 143 Place and 143 Street and 143 Avenue. Caption: Against All Odds, We Found Each Other

Found this incredible Queens valentine

Any recent high scores? I just saw footage from a place called Lucky Charlie in Bushwick with an ancient coal oven that seems to produce beautiful charring

I just read a book about left wing radicals of the 60s and 70s. It mentioned that one of the most prolific bomb makers in the country is now retired in Park Slope. I looked him up and he’s quoted here opining against a local bar getting licensed to have a patio

I hadn’t known that The Righteous Gemstones features Walton Goggins as an untrustworthy preacher called Uncle Baby Billy. I know better now

The balding pill company advertising like they occupied Zucotti Park

We need a truth and reconciliation commission for the 2021 Super Bowl advertisers

The Patriots should have cavalry and Seattle should have one Boeing drone

The NFL should work like Red Alert 2, with each team having access to a unique unit that represents their region

This short story collection introduces the writer John O’Hara by mentioning his epitaph: “He told the truth about his time. He wrote honestly and well.”

Turns out the epitaph actually starts “Better than anyone else,” and he wrote it himself

Sorry, I’m hearing some wailing of damned souls and gnashing of teeth. Could whoever is in Hell please mute themselves?

The final and canonical excuse has been posted. None can do better