Boyd vs bird vs byrd vs burd vs berd vs bread vs burb vs bub vs ...

Spilled chocolate into my sleeve and was promptly bitten by a plump German fellow

Tried to shake a ghost's hand but reached straight through into the gravy boat behind him

A bird's nest has fallen onto my head

Seething with rage that we have ghost, mummy, robot, frankensteins, draculas, bigfoots etc movies but I'm here scrolling through Netflix and can't find one skeleton film.

remember that episode from are you afraid of the dark where the ghost was cold

I trickle my faucets every night this is literally my Superbowl

Being haunted by somebody else's grandma

Forced by mother to care for a boy made of wax. I suspect she wishes he were her real son. Tonight I begin planning his demise.

I'm in possession of numerous illegal meatballs

4 pairs of pants that can stand up on their own

There are very few, if any, job postings for bird boy on LinkedIn

I'm not going to check, but I'm fairly certain there's an old man in my closet

Following today's events, I only have one (1) dry pair of slacks left

Reconsidering my laptop burning business for grandpas

The neighborhood boy recently found out how to construct an arabian bullwhip, I'm no longer safe

Cornered in a dark alley by 3 bimbos

My doctor yelled at me when my test results came back normal

Got caught practicing kissing with a mackerel in the boy's bathroom

Been stuck in the same pair of slacks for 13 days

a Facebook marketplace listing with a photo of a man sitting in a fire pit

I wasn't in the market for a fire pit until I came across this listing

A swarm of rats just tried to push me into the oven while I was checking on my cookies.

Sat on a kiwi

Bird Day

Three pairs of panties hidden in my lunchbox. Unknown origin.

Forced to drink bird milk

I've been haunted by the ghost of a malevolent beekeeper for years

Came home only to discover 200 bees waiting for me

Hunter Biden palm pilot you won't believe the sick shit on this

Kicked out of the men's rights club now all I have left is boy's rights and they won't let me in.