"Hell no, not even right now."

"If he died in Memphis then that'd be cool"

Jay! He's from around here. Great Governor.

Caleb. Whoa.

Until we get the full Epstein files, we'll have to rely on reported island guests. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer, March 16, 2006:

If you're paying for a streaming service and you still get commercials, you should get whatever is advertised for free.

Spurrks

Was he vaccinated?

We're All Gonna Get Laid YouTube video by Foot Brawler

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOD0...

How do you get one of them there hashtags to trend? #nomorerepublicans

Truth.

Spanish names rule.

It's Joan vs. Bette, except they're both Shia LaBeouf.

Oh no, Oasis is breaking up again.

#HappyMothersDay Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers of the world. To the great mothers, like mine, and the bad mothers, like Shaft.

“The pope will be from Chicago” sounds like an 1880s Republican’s dire prediction for if we don’t stop Irish immigration

A drawing of a perfect phone that only has three buttons on it, one of them says IS HE DEAD one of them says AM I BROKE and the other one says RELAXING PUZZLE GAME

I invented a new phone to help save time in the morning

The Quilted Northern company repurposed the song We Built This City as a toilet paper jingle and now it's a far better song.

🐦

"All of my activities with your Mom are sensitive."

You all understand the assignment.

Failure is not an option, internet. 🚀

How, by returning a Cybertruck?

Text

Correct. If the birthdate field contains corrupt or mismatched data, it defaults to 1875-05-20, which serves as a flag. May 20, 1875, is the day the international standards and metrics treaty was signed. Everything is a conspiracy when you don’t know how anything works.

This is just embarrassing.

Weed: Let’s make brownies
Cocaine: WE SHOULD START OUR OWN RECORD LABEL

"She looks more like him than I do."