Melania Trump expertly distracts media away from disastrous Iran war back to Jeffrey Epstein Melania Trump has expertly distracted everyone from the United States’ disastrous Iran war by bringing discussions back to her and her husband’s friendship with paedophile Jeffrey Epstein. …

NEWS! Melania Trump expertly distracts media away from disastrous Iran war back to Jeffrey Epstein newsthump.com/2026/04/09/m...

Evolution of man to his final, perfect form. If you know, you know. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/21Yn61t

Why I supported Trump’s ‘No foreign wars’ position and also him bombing Iran back to the stone age, by a man suffering from Trump Delusion Syndrome In these uncertain times, clarity of thought is more important than ever. Step forward Chuck Williams, a proud, self-described “independent thinker,” here to explain how unwavering loyalty and comp…

NEWS! Why I supported Trump's 'No foreign wars' position and also him bombing Iran back to the stone age, by a man suffering from Trump Delusion Syndrome newsthump.com/2026/04/09/w...

Trump declares victory over pants after six weeks of shitting in them President Trump has declared complete and total victory over his pants after spending six weeks shitting in them.

NEWS! Trump declares victory over pants after six weeks of shitting in them

MAGA determined to celebrate Trump victory in temporarily returning Strait of Hormuz back to where it was before Trump got involved Donald Trump has succeeded in returning the Strait of Hormuz to precisely where it was last month, all for the meagre cost of billions of dollars, the lives of numerous US servicemen, and ongoing g…

NEWS! MAGA determined to celebrate Trump victory in temporarily returning Strait of Hormuz back to where it was before Trump got involved

Parent concerned at time children spending playing computer games, also quietly grateful for it A local parent has today raised serious concerns about the amount of time their children are spending playing computer games over the school holidays, while also privately acknowledging that the ar…

NEWS! Parent concerned at time children spend playing computer games, also quietly grateful for it

Oxford English Dictionary redefines ‘Ultimatum’ as ‘Word orange lunatic uses when he can’t think of a better plan’ The Oxford English Dictionary has decided to update its definition of the word ‘ultimatum’ after Donald Trump skewered its original meaning.

NEWS! Oxford English Dictionary redefines ‘Ultimatum’ as ‘Word orange lunatic uses when he can’t think of a better plan’

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Man insisting renewable energy is ‘too unreliable’ just going to continue ignoring the whole ‘Strait of Hormuz’ thing Basingstoke resident Derek Williams has today reiterated his firm belief that renewable energy is “far too unreliable to ever depend on,” before immediately returning to not thinking about one of t…

NEWS! Man insisting renewable energy is 'too unreliable' just going to continue ignoring the whole 'Strait of Hormuz' thing

Two-week ceasefire perfect timeframe for Trump to forget Iran exists Donald Trump has withdrawn his threat of obliterating Iran, after he was asked nicely not to.

NEWS! Two-week ceasefire perfect timeframe for Trump to forget Iran exists

If Trump does "kill an entire civilisation" tonight, it could do real damage to the long-term validity of the FIFA Peace Prize.

We didn't include that for the same reason we didn't include, "those around him enact the 25th amendment" - because we're not that lucky...

Dementia Don telling the press about the Bonnie Blue video he just watched...

What will Trump will do when the next Iran deadline slides by?

1. Lie, and pretend Iran is 'negotiating the complete opening of the Strait'.
2. Send bombs and claim Iran has been "totally obliterated"
3. Pretend no such deadline ever existed, claim it was a liberal media lie.

The view from Artemis at 8pm Central time in the cursed timeline.

"er, guys?"

Oil companies to build giant sun blocker after surge in solar panel sales Oil companies are working together to build a giant sun blocker, after a surge in solar panels sales started to threaten their business. With Octopus Energy reporting a 54% rise in solar panel sale…

NEWS! Oil companies to build giant sun blocker after surge in solar panel sales

The REAL Trump Delusion Syndrome. Some suffer so deeply, they don't even recognise they're suffering at all...

Wireless Festival back on as organisers announce surprise set from Heinrich Himmler Wireless Festival has announced a surprise set from Heinrich Himmler, after it was cancelled because the government blocked Kanye West from entering the UK.

NEWS! Wireless Festival back on as organisers announce surprise set from Heinrich Himmler newsthump.com/2026/04/07/w...

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Loser nerds waste their time starting funny little ‘computer’ project in their garage Two long-haired hobbyists with an apparent aversion to sunlight have reportedly begun tinkering with what they are calling a “personal computer” in a suburban garage, prompting widespread indiffere…

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Donald Trump threatens more sweary words if Iran doesn’t do what he wants Donald Trump has raised the stakes in his threats against Iran by telling them that if they don’t open the Strait of Hormuz, he will say a lot more swear words online.

NEWS! Donald Trump threatens more sweary words if Iran doesn't do what he wants

Why Easter eggs should be part of a healthy balanced breakfast, by Jake aged 7 and three-quarters Chocolate Easter eggs offer many health benefits and should form a large part of your breakfast this morning, according to 7-year-olds everywhere.

NEWS! Why Easter eggs should be part of a healthy balanced breakfast, by Jake aged 7 and three-quarters

Childproof lock added to White House nuclear launch button The Pentagon is confident it has averted Armageddon in the Middle East after fitting a childproof lock to the nuclear launch button in the Oval Office.

NEWS! Childproof lock added to White House nuclear launch button

What did Jesus do on the Monday, ask those enjoying the bank holiday Confused holidaymakers are today seeking clarification from the world’s Christian churches as to what exactly Jesus did on the Monday to warrant the current bank holiday.

NEWS! What did Jesus do on the Monday, ask those enjoying the bank holiday newsthump.com/2026/04/06/w...

I remember the days when a religious fundamentalist and paedo-enabler threatening to blow everything up before signing off, "Praise be to Allah", would be considered a 'bad' thing...

Jesus takes one look at state of the world and walks straight back into the tomb After taking one look at the shitshow currently taking place on Earth, Jesus has made the quick decision not to bother with the remainder of his resurrection.

NEWS! Jesus takes one look at state of the world and walks straight back into the tomb

Man who loudly demanded chocolate eggs have ‘Easter’ written on the box didn’t go to church again this year A man who demanded chocolate eggs have the word ‘Easter’ written all over the packaging didn’t bother going to church again this year.

NEWS! Man who loudly demanded chocolate eggs have 'Easter' written on the box didn’t go to church again this year newsthump.com/2026/04/05/m...

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You have to hope that the missing US Air Force pilot hasn't been captured by Iran, because Trump is already on record with his thoughts on servicemen who get captured...

Incredible picture:

Orion snapped this high-resolution selfie in space with a camera mounted on one of its solar array wings during a routine external inspection of the spacecraft on the second day into the Artemis II mission. Credit: NASA