Buzzband hit 6 months but still equates me expressing legitimate anger (in an appropriate way, I might add) with “being mean.” So effing sick of this. Grow the F up and just fix your fuck ups instead of gaslighting me into believing I don’t have a reason to be angry. News flash: I have many.
I asked Buzzband to move back in after nearly 13 months of him technically living in rehab and sober house. He was ecstatic as were our daughters. I know the road is not over, but the path sure looks less rocky. Grateful for this miracle. I know many don’t get this kind of chance. #SoberSky #AlAnon
Now that he’s sober, having a hard time making our marriage more equitable again after years of over functioning due to Buzzband’s active addiction. He wants me to let go of what should be his while I think he needs to step up and take it. Any ideas for this chicken-egg challenge? #AlAnon #sobersky
After Buzzband’s last relapse, he started praying and meditation in earnest. Not only has the substance abuse stopped but much (not all) of the problematic behavior. Scary to have hope again, but I do. 🤞🏻🙏 #AlAnon #ODAAT #sobersky
Buzzband gets so frustrated when the dog eats something he’s not supposed to, but he is oblivious to parallels from Friday when I caught him with a beer hours after he received his 90-day chip despite leaving for treatment 8 months ago. But yes, we should expect more from the dog. 🙄 #ODAAT #sobersky
Buzzband got his 90-day chip on Thursday. Friday, found him drinking a beer. Today, he’s indignant that I don’t trust him. We’re still in Crazytown, but I’m booking a one-way ticket out. #SoberSky #ODAAT
Prompt to Claude.ai as if I were Buzzband: My wife is angry at me for falling asleep when I said we’d hang out and she told me she was hurt. I don’t think I need to apologize for something that trivial. What do you think?
Spent way too long trying to explain to Buzzband why he needs to apologize for something and decided to see what Claude.ai would tell him. Suffice to say, the robot has more empathy than Buzzband at the moment. (Prompt in comments). #AI # SoberSky #ODAAT
Holy shit—I have never felt so seen. I was listening to this on my way home from the airport where I called Buzzband to make sure he remembered to unlock door for me before he returns to his sober house. Came home to find him 💤—and me locked out. #addictspouse
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Buzzband stepped down from IOP and is doing better than I’ve seen him in 8 years. He’s hoping to leave the sober home and come back home Aug 1. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🙏🙏 #ODAAT #AlAnon #SoberSky
Last night with this close to going off the rails, but Buzzband finally got up and went on a bike ride that turned his mood around and we pulled off the triple date and had a wonderful evening. #ODAAT #AlAnon #SoberSky
Buzzband has been doing great so I schedule a triple date with friends. 75 minutes before they are to arrive & he starts acting off. I delicately broach whether something is wrong, get weird/hostile response and he accuses me of gaslighting him.
Buzzband has a new sponsor, is participating in AA stuff, and is coming back on line. But he still conks out each night while we watch tv/movies as a family. Drives us 🍌s. But my daughter’s spot-on impersonation of him snoring is hilarious and lets me know she’s going to be ok. #ODAAT #SoberSky
Buzz and had a good day—and even shared some of his feelings about how he’s doing. Revolutionary. #ODAAT #SoberSky
Buzzband had a good day after a rough go yesterday. Until I went to give him something he forgot only to see him with a cigarette—in the car he’s not supposed to be smoking in. And presumably without wearing the patch he was prescribed. B/c why make it easier to quit an addiction? #ODAAT #SoberSky
Gave Buzzband 2 options: either (1) you accelerate this recovery so our division of labor is more equitable or (2) if you can’t speed up your recovery, then we recalibrate expectations on when you can move back in so I can get the support I need. Fair? #ODAAT #SoberSky
So he appears be abstaining but the last 8 years has skewed his ability to understand what an equitable division of labor in this family actually looks like. Yet he wants a fucking parade if he manages to clear the ridiculously low bar he’s set for himself. Awaiting recalibration. #ODAAT #SoberSky
Made it 3 days. 🙄
Today, the only complaint I have about Buzzband is the shit-colored track suit that he is wearing. So #winning! But seriously, no excuse for that suit. #ODAAT #SoberSky
Should have gone with a.
Seeking advice: (a) Go to bed? Or (b) #StanleyCupPlayoff overtime?
At rehab yesterday, Buzzband did some processing of his poor choices and has now had 2 great days. Over/under on us making it a week without addiction nonsense? #ODAAT #SoberSky
Looks like he’s going to continue double downing and making everything worse. I fucking hate this.
Struggling. Buzzband swore at our daughter. Rather than acknowledging huge mistake, apologizing, and trying to make amends, he—per usual—makes 10+ other bad decisions before trying to fix it. And he hasn’t started to fix it yet. I’m so pissed at him. And this is him “sober.” #ODAAT #SoberSky
Day 4 of subuxone for Buzzband and he seems transformed. His AA group is commenting on the difference. I started crying with relief this morning, but am now feeling the fear that can come with having something to lose again. Suuuuuch a fucked up disease. #ODAAT #SoberSky
1st time I’ve known him to ask for help without his back up against a wall. And today (day 3) of being on meds and he says he feels totally different. This could be the game changer we’ve been waiting on folks. Stay tuned. #ODAAT #AlAnon #SoberSky
Found a weird prescription with unknown doc for Buzzband. Asked him about it and he lost his shit. Turns out it was Suboxone to deal w/kratum cravings that he sought out. But he was ashamed that he needed the added help and spent the next full day in shame spiral.🧵
Compassionate response to last night’s relapse seemed to have worked. Buzzband went back to IOP, shared, connected, and found gratitude for being the lucky guy who still has a wife and relationship with his kids. Effing proud of both of us. #SoberSky #ODAAT
Had several good days with Buzzband and he started a new job yesterday. Came home tonight and found beer can on the counter. Instead of my usual m.o., I texted him that I found it, knew he was hurting, that he was lovable, and he had people he could call to help. Still sux. #ODAAT #AlAnon #sobersky
Buzzband had a good day until about 8pm when he’s turned into a complete a$$. He’s supposed to be back at his sober house but won’t leave. I’m going to bed. #sobersky # ODAAT