that’s just good writing

hmmm i seem to remember another star outfielder who was “activated”

what happened in Chubbles 1?

bluesky is down and it's going to stay down. bluesky is gone forever. it's gone forever and you're high. you're high and everyone knows it and you're going to be high forever too

I would’ve won Vietnam even faster by surrendering in fear the second I got there because it was too hot.

I spend an inordinate amount of my workday looking for ways to say someone is acting dumb without actually saying it

Trump watching stop or my mom will shoot and yelling “look out, Rambo!”

Me: “think I need to clean my bong.”

My bong, scurrying across the ceiling: “might be time.”

she’s in a throuple with ball and stick

JFK’s head just did that

A small brown and white puppy with a tennis ball in front of her looking to the left

ball ball ball all I hear about these days is ball ball ball

don’t worry everybody when I’m in charge of the military I’ll put all the good stuff back in so we can kill other people without feeling all that bad about it

I predicted we’d all have x-men powers by now when I was 12 and the markets barely moved

I knew it was coming and wasn’t ready even a little bit

The finale of DTF St. Louis was brutal but really great. Not the best thing to watch before starting to work because now I’m just muttering “poor Floyd” to myself.

The puppy has grown so much she is too big to sit in my lap when I work from home, but I'll be god damned if I'm the one who is going to tell her that. I'll just let my legs fall asleep I don't care.

brick is the song he got famous for 30 years ago about how hard an abortion was for him, and to some extent, the girl he was with

the 8 sequels to Brick give it away

If I ever came across an Alien vs Predator situation I would simply use empathy and active listening to broker a lasting peace that saw the most pressing concerns of each side addressed equally.

Overdid it with the thc tincture last night and woke up this morning still very stoned. Hell yeah free stoned.

I don’t know why everyone is mad at me when I was very clear about the burgers being made with a meat

Was really nice that the Mets couldn’t lose tonight.

A small floppy eared brown and white puppy chewing on a stick

stick stick stick all I ever hear about these days is stick stick stick

This is the latest I’ve ever gotten stoned on 4/20, but boy did I make up for it. If anybody needs me I’m not home, man.

god damn this is a good show

hey I don’t do the cocaine I just sell it to the fish who need it

I haven’t cared about these one way or the other in a very long time but just reading through that made me really mad for reasons I am not going to unpack

none of your business is how much

tell that to my fuckin puppy