Carnivores eat meat.
Herbivores eat plants.
Omnivores eat meat and plants.
Sedivores eat dirt.
Geovores eat mountains.
Deivores eat gods.
Penivores eat dicks.
Billiovores eat prosperity.
Republivores eat disunity.
I eat ramen.
I spent the majority of my life believing that ponies are just what you call baby horses and I refuse to apologize for that.
No matter how many cowboys life sends to judge me.
America is so obsessed with consumerism that, when Amazon replaced all of the shopping malls with same and next day delivery, no one ever went anywhere ever again.
I remember when they brought the lotto to Georgia. There was a ton of debate and backlash. Shitloads of discussions about what it would do to people, the dangers of gambling, addiction, etc. Now, you can bet on which celebrity gets cancer next on the same app that you use for investments. Progress.
WW3 Postponed For Rain Delay
People who say “there are no stupid questions” have clearly never tried to help my mother use a tablet.
It is weird, right? I keep hearing them mention “lost technology” like they’re describing pyramid building techniques from the dawn of Egypt. Shouldn’t NASA keep records? The 60’s seem pretty recent to me. Bizarre.
…. wait a minute… it’s already happening! The conspiracies have begun!
Artemis 2 launches for the moon today. Personally, I’m very excited to have a whole new group of astronauts for people to make conspiracies about for like ever.
Here, I’ll start. They will never admit that this is a cheese recovery mission. Bastards.
Root beer was invented during prohibition as a replacement for beer. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work, because root beer is about as satisfying a replacement for real beer as Diet Coke is as a replacement for cocaine.
I will admit that I don’t know much about the history of the shakers, but I can say with confidence that “The Testament of Ann Lee” is without question the most upsetting Footloose remake we’ve gotten thus far.
“The Madison” is another hilariously un-self-aware piece of writing by Taylor Sheridan. It calls on all people to return to a simpler way of life. To return to the Earth and a more natural lifestyle… on a 20 million dollar parcel of Montana ranch property.
It always cracks me up in movies and tv shows when they use black metal as a torture device and/or as a sleep deprivation technique. I’m always like, clearly you’ve never worked at a Domino’s Pizza. I’ve had extensive training in ignoring this music for extended periods of time.
I wanna make an NPR themed porno movie called “Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me!”.
The thing that disturbs me is that, even if a provable time traveler were to appear and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that AI super-intelligence will destroy us, we probably still couldn’t stop it from being created.
In the future, when the man on the street hears the name Timothee Chalamet, they will only remember that there was once a very cruel boy who was very disrespectful to the opera, which continues forever to be unreservedly beloved by all.
Honestly, I just think people are tired of spelling Timothee.
This released less than 12 hours ago. I can’t stop listening to it.
It’s been well over a decade since I’ve eaten Wendy’s and not immediately regretted that decision.
Kurt Russell was a baseball player who became a famous actor. His son, Wyatt Russell, was a hockey player who became a famous actor. I really wish I came from a family where stardom is a fallback career.
When I watch The Shining, I have a hard time telling whether Jack Nicholson was acting that way deliberately or if that’s just what it looks like when Kubrick makes you act out a scene like 179 times in a row.
The thing that cracks me up about Resident Evil games is that Leon is so consistently overacted across all incarnations of the series that it’s basically a character trait.
You know, even though I have long expected streaming service consolidation, I had hoped that it wouldn’t come at the cost of all media being purchased by the same villainous right wing billionaire.
We need a hero.
When I was young, I wore wallet chains for many years. To be fair, my wallet was never stolen. My pocket did remain unpicked. What did happen, however, was that I got repeatedly stuck in benches at the train station and would then have to watch my train pull away without me. Many, many times.
If many cultures are correct and our ancestors do actually watch over and protect us, then my ancestors fucking suck.
Tonight, the drastic cuts to SNAP finally make sense, because we can all just eat the war on Iran.
Female characters on tv shows never seem to have menstrual cycles.
Whiskey and Coke is the perfect drink for people who hate the taste of whiskey and love flat Coke.
I have a longstanding theory that Justin Timberlake is a cloned genetic crossbreed of a chihuahua, a pug, and several weaker pop stars. Even his name sounds like an alias. He’s clearly the forward agent for an army of dancing falsetto alien puppy invaders.
In America, it is no longer necessary to build a better mousetrap, because you can now purchase everyone in charge of mousetrap oversight and everyone in charge of stopping mousetrap industry monopolies and then force the companies that do build better mousetraps out of business.
tHe AmErIcAn WaY.
Living in Trump’s America is very much like living in the background of a movie where a villain finds a genie and wishes for infinity wishes.
When I was 16, I lost 40+ pounds from playing in punk bands.
When I was 30, I lost 70+ pounds from having 87% of my pancreas removed.
Of the myriad ways I’ve heard people comment on weight loss in as genteel a way as possible, I think “you’re getting much more angular” is still my favorite.