Out.

Is this thing on?

Hello, a small reminder that I’m mainly on Instagram these days.
You can find me here, should you wish:
www.instagram.com/cain_unable?...

Can’t believe she wouldn’t let me have it. 😔

This pretty much sums me up.

Elusive little prick aren’t I?

Presumably this is Pac-Man for South Africans.

“You will be visited by three spirits.”

The Olympics are fine and yes Olympians work quite hard but my ability to get a Christmas dinner out on time while absolutely off my fucking face should be celebrated FAR more than it is.

-"I've spent the last bloody hour doing that thing to sprouts so they cook better."
-"A little cross?"
-"I'm fucking furious mate."

If Evri manage to get all my Christmas parcels to me undamaged that’ll be completely unpressiedented.

Yes. *Lips on mic* Un-pressie-dented.

I forgot how hot Ghostbusters Sigourney Weaver was.
*Rubs thighs*

Me too! I had a blue coat and a massive dishwasher. Happy days!

I worked in a professional kitchen for like five years in the 90s so I’m actually legally entitled to refer to my Christmas lunch prep as ‘’mise en place” whatever my wife says.

Ho ho ho.

Made a coffee and I almost forgot to put booze in it. Phew.

Making this face all the way through Carry On.

We’re watching Carry On on Netflix. I’m pretty confident you can see some of the plot holes from space.

When you get a dog it’s a very short step from "No of course he won't be allowed on the bed!" to "We'll hang his stocking in the middle."

This bay is usually calm and quiet but today, full of kelpies.

Made it. Used whipping cream and rum.

Made actual eggnog because I’m wholesome as fuck me.

They left it on the Baileys too. How hard is it?! Twats.

Where’s the space for white middle class males?!

A Christmas story in 4 parts. Brought to you by the ineptitude of Morrisson’s. 🙄

Why is there a parking bay only for women with uneven boobs?

Me when I eat the bounty, toffee penny or dark chocolate toblerone for my family.

Christmas can begin.

Makes tea that’s incredibly weak and every time it’s in hot water it squirms horribly and blames someone else.

a man and woman are looking at each other and the man is saying `` no mercy '' . ALT: a man and woman are looking at each other and the man is saying `` no mercy '' .

When a French person offers me something I don't want.