$5 Mystery Movie Monday actually hit for once. Hokum is good.

my wife had a dream that I was a man sized hot dog named Hot Dog Boyfriend. I spent most of my time rocking back and forth in bed screaming

Same, robot. Same

Listening to a podcast about screwworms in the shower

What should be a crime with the death penalty? I think taking meetings at your desk in an open office floor plan. If it’s on speaker you should also be tortured first.

Nice coworker just went through a lot of work to send me a file full of information that is ultimately useless so I’m just saying thanks and moving on

Untrue

Sorry bud, she was an excellent girl and you gave her an excellent second half of her life

samuel beckett was born on this day 120 years ago. astonishing to think that if he had survived, and could run 100m in 9.57 seconds, he would be not only the oldest but also the fastest man in the world - together with his nobel prize for literature, an astonishing trifecta

The ship that was haunting me (tbc it was the ship, not the people that died because of it) was the Mary Celeste which is an interesting mystery but like that thing didn’t even sink and also I wasn’t obsessed with it, my high school friend was. I haven’t talked to her in a decade.

“Lee you said it was an aquarium room” bitch it was a dream. It was a room with fish tanks but also I was in the water and it was very dark and also there were fish that looked like the twin towers???? Why is my brain so fixated on 9/11 I was 6????

Me, in a dream: huh this is kinda inconvenient. And you say I’m being psychically attacked by the ghost of a ship? Annoying.

Me, awake: okay so in retrospect walking into a room and suddenly being in the benthic zone surrounded by manmade horrors beyond comprehension should be terrifying.

Mom: why did you get into your dad’s heritage but never into my side?

Me: well his side has fried chicken, grits and ramen and your side has blueberry soup and this

The more I think about it, the museum really messed up the proportions on the genetically engineered twin tower fish, they should’ve been 2-3x as long as they were for how thick they were. Definitely started from the wrong species. Might have worked for a pentagon fish
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I don’t often have fish dreams but when I fly in dreams (not frequent but not uncommon) I swim breaststroke through the air

I want to emphasize that this was not a nightmare. A ghost giving me a nosebleed that filled my sinuses like an open tap was somehow not a nightmare.

They were almost but not quite rectangular prisms. They couldn’t get the sides to actually be straight and the eyes almost blended into the face but they were still there and they did still have mouths but they were …wrong

Maybe a type of grouper? They were kinda bulky but only like a foot long. Gray with gnarly intestine red bits threatening to burst through that kinda outlined the parts that were supposed to look like windows

Can’t believe my wife is misrepresenting my weird dream where I was being haunted by fish that looked like fleshy versions of the world trade center

No, 9/11 wasn’t a maritime disaster, it was a maritime museum with an aquarium room dedicated to non-maritime disasters and had fish genetically modified to look like the twin towers

Hell yeah I can show you my mausoleum

$4,989 is so amusingly specific to me

Who’s your favorite pokemon?

I found out my aunt went by her middle name when I was 18 because her older sister was teasing her by calling her by her first name and I was like “who the fuck is Laura” 😭

easily one of the funniest guys america has had in decades

I’ve been saying we should Truman Show him

My grandma went by Sue in the states because no one in the south in the 1950s could say Yasuko. My mom wanted to give it to me as a middle name but the family argued my cousin Susan was already named after her lmao

I am related to multiple people who used a confirmation name as their legal name sporadically and it caused Problems. At least one family branch just made their family name longer at one point and their sibling also made their name longer but differently

We have multiple legal documents throughout two centuries with the wrong names because someone wrote a nickname as if it we a real name or assumed a full name was a nickname or someone else was filling out paperwork but didn’t understand an accent or couldn’t spell or decided to fancy up their name

Never guess someone’s given name from their nickname b/c what do you mean Mel is short for Mary Ellen? What do you mean your legal name is Jimmy? What do you mean you were named RS after a grandpa only to find out it was someone mishearing “Horace” but he was illiterate and couldn’t correct them