Probably my biggest pet peeve is my son

Probably my biggest pet peeve is my son

Darn

If she were a guy her name could be Anya Taylor-Boy

Farting on a butt… the perfect crime?

Protip: you don’t have to be rich to hunt people for sport

😀

😠

Guys, the British are coming!!!

On my feet!!!

Can they DoorDash to a helicopter

In space, no one can have my cream

Because I’m all alone

Just me and my cream

In space

😔

Poop is a spectrum

“oR iS tHaT fUcKeD WITH a BoAt???”

No. It’s not.

Getting boat-fucked (fucked on a boat)

Gonna use this reply during my trial, thank you

What about me? I don’t even know how to fly this thing

Im nonbinary that means I can kill whoever I want

Not according to the handbook

But I don’t wanna

After I land

The handbook says I should ask her about her tubes

Or maybe it’s my wife’s tubes. Maybe they’re all fucked up

I just can’t sire children on account of my crap semen

I’m not an incel. I’ve had sex before

Will I lose my temper and call her a slut? I don’t want to be one of THOSE guys

Or worse yet: what if she’s already met somebody else and doesn’t remember me anymore?

What if I get down there and she’s upset?

But I don’t want to

It says I should land the helicopter

It’s called “What to Do When Your Wife Falls Out of a Helicopter”