Everything that you are struggling w/ makes sense, whether or not you can connect the dots at this moment. You are not "crazy." You are injured, emotionally "sunburned"-- but what you need is figure-outable.

Breathe; blink; focus.

Giving ourselves sh*t for not being further along in this trauma recovery process than we are has never, not once, resulted in feeling or functioning better. We are where we are & we need what we need. No shame.

Get realistic & compassionate about what you need today.

It's true, we shouldn't have to navigate interactions w/ certain family members like we're stepping through a minefield-- but we do. The fact we "shouldn't have to" doesn't change that fact. Realistically prep for those interactions. Go in w/ a strategy & tools. Safety first.

You're not going to fail.

You're going to figure it out.

People, organizations, & institutions that are unwilling or unable to acknowledge your experience, feelings, & needs are not serious about being part of your trauma recovery.

You will not have to beg or scramble for validation from your real recovery supports.

Profound philosophical realizations about why our nervous system is vulnerable to melt downs won't do us much good when we're melting the f*ck down in the moment. Easy does it-- breathe, & focus in on supportive, pre-scripted self talk. Get through this minute. Be there for you.

I understand self-talk won't solve all our trauma problems or symptoms. It's not supposed to. But we're not going to solve those problems or manage those symptoms if we're talking to ourselves like our bullies & abusers did. Supportive self talk is a necessary starting point.

Doing something today that you like, for no other reason than you like it, is important to your trauma recovery. Pleasure, fun, & meaning matter when the goal is actually wanting to live. They are survival tools, for EVERY survivor. Do not, do not, do not neglect them.

I need you to remember that CPTSD is an unreliable narrator-- but also a CONVINCING narrator. Trauma will dramatize its sh*tty narrative about how you suck in such seductive ways, that remembering it's actually full of sh*t is a big ask.

But do remember: it IS full of sh*t.

Be frustrated, be pissed, about the fact you're not great at emotional regulation or managing your money or being on time or whatever. You get to have feelings about it all.

And: give yourself credit & grace for the fact you're working on it. You DON'T deserve to be punished.

Reclaim language your abusers took from you.

They don't get to gatekeep sh*t.

I don't care how lucky you've gotten in your life-- at last some of the steps you've taken & the progress you've made is due to your intelligence & work. CPTSD is going to try to tell you you've "never" taken a "real" step forward, but that's just not true. You have.

The trick to shaking out of a "freeze" response is to relax into it-- the harder you try to push your way out of it, the more paralyzing it'll get-- & then start w/ the teeniest, tiniest movement you can manage. Wiggle your pinkie or big toe. Then let that little movement spread.

I don't care how big the project is: it reduces down to something manageable this hour, this minute. CPTSD wants you to believe because you can't eat the whole elephant in one bite, it's un-eatable. That's not true. Just break it down to what you can nibble-able this minute.

Recovery Supporting Question (RSQ): What would make it feel 1% safer to NOT do this self-sabotaging thing that I've been convinced I "have" to keep doing? What would realistically need to happen for me to not do it?

We hang on because it's safe, not because we "like" it.

Remember that trauma recovery is a daily intentional process. Some days will be easier than others. Some days will suck like a Hoover. But we're making purposeful changes in our nervous & endocrine systems here, & that requires consistency-- especially on the sh*t days.

The story we tell ourselves about who we are & what we're all about impacts our focus, our motivation, & our mood, 24/7/365. We can't leave a variable as potentially transformative-- or destructive-- as our story to chance. We need to purposefully shape & edit our story, daily.

Trauma Brain wants you to move through today on autopilot, not intentionally choosing your self talk, mental focus, or physiology. It wants you on autopilot because it makes you reactive, easier to control. It's harder for trauma to ruin your life if you're present & purposeful.

Making the choices we have to make to realistically recover from trauma every day, every hour, is a pain in the ass. That's why autopilot is seductive to us. We're tired & annoyed. But letting trauma continue to kick our ass won't make us less tired or annoyed. So recovery it is.

Having to put more energy & skill into emotional regulation than other people do sucks. We don't have to pretend it doesn't. And, we also don't have to get up in our head about "I'm not gonna do this because I shouldn't have to."

We can acknowledge the suck-- & do the thing.

You don't "have" to work a trauma recovery. You don't "have" to do anything. If you're reading this you've likely been exposed to more coercion in your life than most humans-- & you're not going to recover through pressure & shame.

Start when you're ready-- when it's a choice.

That "was it really TRAUMA, though?" thing is a trap. It only serves to f*ck w/ your head about whether you "should" be feeling or struggling w/ what you are. Don't bite.

Focus on what you ARE experiencing & what you need-- & shut down the "shoulds" every time they creep in.

How you're gonna spend this next hour, what you're gonna say to yourself, what you're gonna focus on, how you're gonna breathe-- those are the most important trauma recovery decisions on your plate right now. Not the last 2,478,200 decisions you can't un-make.

Eyes front.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now

Trauma survivors might seem like we're "holding on" to the past-- but what's actually happening is, our nervous system is desperately trying to make sense of what happened so we can safely move on.

Which can be a problem, when there's no "sense" to be made of it.

Our neurons, our cells, our very atoms, "remember" our pain & fear, even when it's too overwhelming to consciously remember or process.

Saying that trauma makes us more vulnerable to medial issues & physical pain doesn't mean it's "all in our head"-- it's LITERALLY in our body.

I add "f*ck" to the traditional "fight," "flight," "freeze," & "flop" trauma responses, because I believe getting preoccupied w/ sexuality & hyper sexualized behaviors are very much their own category of trauma response, especially (but not only) when our trauma was sexual.

The first step to turning down the intensity of a trauma response is giving it permission to exist. We don't have to love it, & we're not giving it "permission" to make decisions for us-- but we're not going to realistically manage reactions we don't acknowledge & validate.

Realistically defusing a "fight" trauma response requires us to give voice to every f*cking thing we hate about the thing we want to "fight."

"Fight" responses pull for a cathartic release of energy. It's a "DO SOMETHING!" reflex. The WORST thing we can do is try to "stuff" it.

CPTSD recovery challenge: for the rest of today, resist every single pull you feel to "prove" your worth or "justify" the space you take up. Clock those urges, notice them-- & don't follow through on them.

Then journal the hell out of everything that gets scraped up.