Ginger Ale was goated when I was over there

And this does nothing but hurt m relationships. I fear so much, that I'm constantly focused on meeting expectations, and not in being my. My friends don't want a checklist of expectations.

They want -me-.

But how to convince myself of something I know firmly, but don't believe?

...God I needed to hear this myself from someone else ;~;

My self love is very, very, VERY conditional. I never feel deserving of the people around me. I keep an outgoing, open attitude but deep down I do not believe myself worth of being there. I try to reach out so much cause I'm terrified.

I constantly fear the people I love will "Figure out" that I'm all pretend. That I'm all overpromising, and underdelivering. And when they see that my outward shiny shell is a veneer, I'll be alone.

My love may not come with conditions but with a beging. "Please don't leave me alone. I'm so scared"

I'm unfortunately familiar with this.

I think the fact you know is enough. It's something to ground yourself and bring you back to Earth when your brain begins to spiral.

Something to repeat and then treat with a nap, food, and other self care.

Your heart knows, your brain needs reminding.

A very, very toddler coded mistake ;u;

Nuh uh. "Bola" is the noun, which is feminine. So Bolita.

Thats just a bad habit you need to work around. Brains like repeating and rhyming so when you find one you need to be firm in overwriting it.
Again… sometimes you GOTTA..

Peppycub, Bolita de Algodón... you two... Q~Q

Oh Lulu... ;u;

I know it is nonsense! I know I am loved! I just wish my brain would STOP adding that bit. It DOES fly in the face of reality, of all the love my friends and found family show me, but my brain still refuses to internalize it, and I don't know how to make it stop ;~;

I wish I could internalize it. Believe it whole heartedly. But my brain keeps adding "Because you haven't seen the 'real' me yet" whenever someone I love tells me that ;~;

Wait how are you THIS CUTE

highly sensitive sense of justice is definitely an autistic trait

love yourself!!!

everyone affects others
everyone has needs
everyone makes mistakes
everyone is a “burden”

and yet you love, and you yearn for others hearts to be free, and for them to see in themselves what you see in them

let yourself take space;
the freedom you yearn to give others

It does feel good to admit, though... Maybe that's the first step to letting go of it.

And this does nothing but hurt m relationships. I fear so much, that I'm constantly focused on meeting expectations, and not in being my. My friends don't want a checklist of expectations.

They want -me-.

But how to convince myself of something I know firmly, but don't believe?

I constantly fear the people I love will "Figure out" that I'm all pretend. That I'm all overpromising, and underdelivering. And when they see that my outward shiny shell is a veneer, I'll be alone.

My love may not come with conditions but with a beging. "Please don't leave me alone. I'm so scared"

...God I needed to hear this myself from someone else ;~;

My self love is very, very, VERY conditional. I never feel deserving of the people around me. I keep an outgoing, open attitude but deep down I do not believe myself worth of being there. I try to reach out so much cause I'm terrified.

...Huh, you're completely right ;u;

I wish I had that perspective. I don't. I've had thanatophobia for decades, and though I've been growing more comfortable with my own death, that of others has only grown more terrifying.

...Are you a cop?

I really need to get on the grind (crawl?). I have spent my 20s having cold feet about the things i wanted, too cowardly and feeling undeserving to have them. I cannot keep doing that anymore. I cannot keep assuming I have time.

You promise? ;u;

Once he told me he was afraid he would die old and alone.

I think he could have taken old, but I'm so very, very glad that he passed with the people who loved him. You being there for him, relying well wishes back and forth, I can tell you for a fact that's the kindest anyone has ever been to him.

I'm really, REALLY glad to hear ;~;

And I know you made him someone who look forward to actually living life. To do all the things he never cared about doing before. You taught him it was possible for him to love when he had completely given up on ever finding it.

You meant the world to him.

Ultimate anime distillation

My partner finally passed. His mother was with him and we shared our time with him the best we could. He went peaceful, and we made sure he was comfortable and taken care of.
It took some time, but it’s over. In a way I’m happy that he didn’t have to go through it all anymore and that he’s resting.

I'm sorry I took our time together for granted. I wish I could have spend more of it with you instead of inside my own head.

I hope we get to play together again, my bat-brat friend.

I have no words about him that can be said better than @coqodraws.bsky.social has. Please, read it, and know him.