Universe I swear if a man ever decides that he needs to put a ring on this then it better be with a Darry Ring. Nothing quite like being presented with a ring that could only be acquired by presenting ID and signing a contract to be able to only ever purchase one in your life. Commitment is sexy.
You know how I know I won't end up married?
Who would want to be hitched to a crazy lady who takes off her shoe driving down the highway because the arch of her foot itched? 🤣 Poles report 0% of humans that's who 🤣
It still surprises me that more people don't know this when they turn their beers green 🤣🍀
Some craft projects turn into just cute ideas after the serger stops working. Maybe one day they will make their way into my shop. Today isn't that day.
TFW SoFi advertises to you that mortgage rates are dropping and at the same time that they are remodeling the apartment just above you and you can smell the paint fumes...
TFW your neighbor is blasting gangster rap at 10am so loud that you wonder if clients can hear the cuss words thru the computer / if your boss will be upset about the background noise while you slave away at your work from home job. 🤣 I'd say I need sound proofing but they in the yard. 🙃
Help me name the mouse that is under my washer in my apartment. I can't get to him to rescue him so 🤷🏻♀️
Are we thinking Gus or Jacque?
TFW you slip in the shower, banging your leg on the side of the tub and you think "Wow that hurt. But no marks so I guess I am okay."
Only for the bruise to turn up 72hrs later and be bigger than my hand. 😂
Guess I am a danger to myself 🤷🏻♀️
No crime is illegal with enough money.
So really the question is "How much do I have to pay you to let me do this thing?"
#fatgirlcardiotip of the day:
Turn on your Fitbit to track your panic attack while grocery shopping alone.
Get that feeling of a job well done for your watch telling you it's exercise.
✨Bonus points if the watch tracks it automatically. 😂
Could you imagine if she had another one 😂 or if she opened an orphanage...
Hot take 🔥 Politics are just a damned if you damned if you don't situation.
Example: I don't want to watch the news but if I don't how am I to know what to boycott or what essential right of being a human I have lost today.
Be warned - once you try it you may never go back.
Share your "I am the kind of crazy that" in the comments friends 💜
I am the kind of crazy that listens to podcasts and watches YouTube videos at 1.5x speed 😂
I think in my next life I would like to be loved enough that silence doesn't occur because they want to be in the same room, the same place, as me.
When you know you have a Joann's gift card from Christmas but you can't find it after your move.
🤣 Not like they would accept it anyway since they are closing.
#anotherdumbgirlmistake #badwithmoney
It sounds like they are gutting the apartment above me. Glass shattering as they throw it off the balcony. So glad I work from home.
TFW you are standing in your kitchen cooking breakfast and your coffee maker springs to life 😂 startling you who is facing the opposite direction 😂 because you forgot you set the delay brew last night before bed.
Anywho Happy Friday 😂
One of my new found joys of my morning routine is:
✅ waking up early enough to make breakfast for myself.
Today's victim was 2 eggs on toast with spicy ketchup - unsure yet if I'll financially recover. 😂
First time posting a video here 😂 let me know if y'all enjoy & I'll start posting my archive 😂💜
Just once in my life I'd love to hear that my contact ringtone in his's phone is "My Chick Bad" by Ludacris and Nicki Minaj 😂
open.spotify.com/track/3bMNpr...
20 years ago, YouTube was founded!
Half price chocolate day for the win!
Hope you are having a great weekend no matter the weather 🤣❄️
Maybe I am not supposed to find one job to be settled in.
Idk what I did to deserve the revolving door of ultimatums that has been my employment record but maybe that is just how it goes.
Hi Ho
Hi Ho
Back to the applications we go
😂😭
Fixed what? The heater? I'm not convinced it is broken 😂 Im just a wimp lol
I have never been more dry and crusty than I am due to needing to run a space heater in my apartment. On my second nose bleed too. 0/10 would not recommend
