LOL, fiancé is so jealous

Me: I’m just reading an email from Martin

Fiancé (suspiciously): Who’s Martin?

Me (rolling eyes): Martin Lewis from Money Saving Expert!

Today I tried to open an ISA with Trading212, who are headquartered in London, where I was born and have always lived - to learn that I can’t use their services as I’m a US dual national. I’ve only ever been to the States once for two weeks! Frankly this is mental, and I say this as a mental person.

Hey @trading212.bsky.social, please can you explain why I can't open an ISA just because I happen to hold dual American citizenship as well as British? I was born in the UK, have lived here all my life, pay my taxes here and have only visited the US once. This feels a bit discriminatory and wrong..?

I need to stop shopping Is it weird that it gives my life meaning and purpose?

If I saved £350 a month, I’d accrue nearly £60k over the next 14 years — but would perhaps forfeit a lot of joy? After all, you can’t take anything with you when you die. (Unless you build a pyramid, and they’re not cheap. Imagine the planning permission!) arianesherine.substack.com/p/i-need-to-...

Haha, yeah that’s mine, all mine!

No name's tax return 2025-26

Just filed my UK tax return. Yes, I *would* like a medal and round of applause!

It always amuses me how encrypted the HMRC website is. If someone else wants to log in, file my taxes and pay the little I owe, please let them.

Sincerely,

No Name (HMRC sure know how to make a girl feel special!)

Things my mother taught me Sometimes the most valuable lessons are the toughest to learn

When you grow up being abused and neglected, you aren’t properly socialised. You don’t know how to fit in, or what it means to have a stable and normal life, because your home life is so messed up and dysfunctional. You don’t know how to be a human. arianesherine.substack.com/p/things-my-...

Asked my next-door neighbour if we could borrow her large cat to fix a mouse problem

Her: Is no good. Is fat and lazy. Will watch mouse, not catch!

Haha, it wasn’t, don’t worry! Eat your sushi with confidence. 😁

Get a boyfriend who endures your shitting I had food poisoning and went to the toilet at least 30 times in front of him

When you’ve eaten bad sushi, preserving discretion in your relationship suddenly comes second to violently shitting food down the toilet.

It was horrific. I pebble-dashed the entire pan with orange droplets. My sprints to the bog rivalled Usain Bolt. arianesherine.substack.com/p/get-a-boyf...

Agreed!

Haha, is it? I had no idea!

It doesn’t, it’s just the same initials as irritable bowel syndrome!

Haha!

An ad for an iced brown sugar oat latte

Boyfriend ordered one of these. I brought it over to him

Me: Here’s your IBS oat latte!

Boyfriend: Weirdly I’m less thirsty now

Absolutely, 100%! Can't do without one.

Life is so much better when you do stuff I was gonna say 'when you do shit' but this is not about pooing, my friends

I am blasting through my To Do list. And it feels so good, honestly. I feel better about myself because I’m getting shit done. Ticking off those motherfucking items like I’m Samuel L Jackson. arianesherine.substack.com/p/life-is-so...

A beauty ad saying ‘Might you be interested in pausing time?’

Nah, you’re all right. I’ve seen way too many movies where they fuck shit up by doing that and it takes them the rest of the film to fix it

A Thai restaurant which offers vegan options which appear to be high chairs

Can’t believe they make vegans sit in high chairs! 😭

Chillies are hot!

Ariane’s fiancé

Fiancé is like a hotter Chris Martin from Coldplay (Hotplay?)

How to have an orgasm in middle-age during sex Four women aged over 40 share, with the utmost honesty, how they finally discovered how to have a fulfilling sex life in middle age. Their words should make every man sit up and take notice...

Spoke to lovely Sam Brick at the Mail about sex. It’s fair to say I won’t go down in history as a shy woman (‘go down’, fnarr!). I am also wearing more clothes than ever before. I thought maybe they’d put me in an undisputed corset? (One for my regular readers!) www.dailymail.co.uk/lifestyle/lo...

Umarells are retired Italians who stand around construction sites offering unsolicited advice

This reminds me of when I was around five and was watching my dad building something from wood. My grandad said ‘you’re putting too much weight on that joint, it’s gonna break’ and my dad ignored him, and it broke!

Wisely, my grandad then said nothing, as my dad was a homicidal maniac.

Ah yeah, found the Tulane press release. I guess it comes down to who you believe, them or Consumer Reports!

Was that testing for heavy metals though?

(Also, I’ve never seen a kid like dark chocolate. It’s too bitter for them and they hate it!)

Ugh. Dark chocolate is bad for us? I'm so tired of everything tasty being detrimental to our health

Free to read: Now even dark chocolate is bad for us - all bars tested contained lead and cadmium. “Frequent exposure to lead can lead to nervous system problems, hypertension, immune system suppression, kidney damage, and reproductive issues.” What fun! arianesherine.substack.com/p/ugh-dark-c...

Just Eat offering coke cane

Just Eat now sell Bolivian marching powder! And at such a reasonable price, too.

He won a major school prayer case. It took years to get a proper obituary. Ishmael Jaffree’s Supreme Court victory shaped church-state law, yet his death went largely unnoticed

The man who helped end coercive school prayers in America died in 2024.

The media barely covered it.

It took nearly TWO YEARS—and a nudge—to get a major outlet to publish his obituary.

www.friendlyatheist.com/p/he-won-a-m...

Mum: Please bring the cardigan Nana knitted for me, if Lily has given it back to you

Me: She hasn’t 😭

Mum: Ah well, you won’t be able to bring it then

Nothing gets past my mum!