Maybe the Mets are trying to subtly convey the message that we need to deal with what’s going on in our country before we can reasonably expect to enjoy baseball again.

It’s not that the Mets couldn’t win tonight, it’s that they actually decided they shouldn’t until Juan Soto comes back – so they could show him just how much he means to the team.

I think a matriarchy sounds nice. Probably less stressful, at least.

You want men to go to therapy, you need to rebrand it. Therapy has the word “her” in it. We’re going to have to capitalize the “HE” or start calling it “tHIMapy.”

Did the administration post anything about it being Hitler’s birthday yet?

Proudly wearing my Mets hat outside of my apartment in the hopes someone will take pity on me and buy me a beer.

Has Major League Baseball ever had a manager who was also that city’s mayor?

Honestly, the Mets blowing a lead is a step in the right direction.

The LEGO war propaganda video set is going to be their biggest seller this coming holiday season.

I feel like I’ll never again earnestly say the phrase “I can’t believe it.”

The Mets better still be on this losing streak at the start of the next homestand for the “Kingsford Charcoal and lighter fluid self-immolation night” promotion. Just won’t be the same if they win a few games beforehand.

I have zero curiosity for what happens in escape rooms.

Just saw a billboard letting people know that Seal is playing Yaamava’ Theater on May 7th, so now I’m letting you know. My job is to relay the messages I see on billboards.

When I die, take my hours upon hours of voice memos and sample them to make techno songs.

Zohran’s at least gotta throw out a ceremonial first pitch, then the Mets can ride that wave like he’s the next Grimace!

Zohran needs to manage the Mets for a few games, just to get them back on track. I feel like he could do it.

My Instagram algorithm tried to show me a clip from Young Sheldon and that might be the thing that gets me to quit social media for good.

Fires are like Covid for warehouses.

I think I really would've thrived in ancient times. So much wandering.

We can solve our oil issues by going back in time and killing more dinosaurs closer to areas where we're not at war with anyone.

LA needs a mayor who will stand up to loud thunder!

If I had a time machine, I'd go back 20 years and tell myself that Iran would start putting out Lego rap videos calling our president a pedophile, just to see how I would react.

A roll of toilet paper. Acrylic on canvas.

Here is a roll of toilet paper I just painted, in case anyone is in need of inspiration.

Every YouTube ad is a 15-minute-long infomercial about how you can get abs by eating raw wild boar’s meat.

Was anyone else today just like, “I gotta call all of my loved ones today and tell them I love them,” and then didn’t follow through?

I called all my reps. I'm not even sure what reps do except take money from special interests, but hopefully they figure something out.

If there's a nuclear holocaust that kills everyone on Earth tonight, I'm gonna write a screenplay about the astronauts in space who witness it.

If only Trump had any children who could distract him by asking him to have a catch.

Feels like there’s not going to be a 420 this year.

The two parties after nuclear war are going to be the Debris-mocrats and the Re-Rubble-licans. Fuck it. Send.