This is how you get norovirus outbreaks on cruise ships, so good luck, Pentagon

Doctors say that measles is one of the deadliest and most contagious infectious diseases in the world. A guy who snorts cocaine off toilet seats and cuts penises off raccons says you'll be fine if you drink raw milk and bathe in raw sewage. For busy parents, it can be hard to know who to trust.

https://www.theonion.info/

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

i love this for both of them, i hope all the lawyers have a good time

What's the over/under how many months until he quietly drops this suit late on a Friday night? I'm pencilling in July 😆

Next season on White Lotus 🤣

TORTILLA

Commodore PET microcomputers in a classroom at the University of Waterloo in Canada, 1981.

The “Calvin’s dad explains two types” meme, inspired by a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon. Clockwise from top left: 1) Calvin’s dad walks into frame to find Calvin trying to operate a record player. The dad says: “There are only two industries left in America: gambling, and fraud.” 2) The dad shows where the record goes, and how to turn on the player, while Calvin watches. Dad says “Derivatives? Gambling. AI? Fraud. Video games? Gambling. Social media? Fraud.” Calvin says “yeah”. 3) With one hand open palm up, Calvin’s dad cheerfully explains to Calvin out of frame below him, “The stock market looks like gambling, but it’s actually fraud.” 4) In bed in a dark room, Calvin clutches at his pillow, eyes wide in existential terror. There is no text in the panel.

Trump got Iran to defend the Pope. Maybe he does deserve a Nobel Peace Prize after all.

Clip from Dragonslayer (1981) - The fight of Galen against Vermithrax Pejorative

The pope may be soft on crime but he is strong on forgiveness 😇

Out of curiosity, how tiny of a room?

They couldn't even dig up a real pic of Jesus, smdh 😜

So, cyberthreaterator.com is now up and running. Look for new features and other stuff sometime soon, including a web API for generating threat names and attribution data for your own diabolical purposes.

Ladies and gentlemen... the weekend. (also: you are important and are not alone 🧡)

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE TAGGING ME IN ON THE VATICAN / PENTAGON BEEF HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT

Mr Negative Charisma

It has come to my attention that not all of you are aware that this exists. So, here it is. It exists. Dozens of channels of randomized music videos and bumpers. Choose your era and return to your childhood. Bookmark it for when you need to escape back.

wantmymtv.vercel.app/player.html

But then I sigh; and, with a piece of scripture,
Tell them that God bids us do good for evil:
And thus I clothe my naked villany

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

Yes, I wish Hollywood would pick the 10 most popular (original) books of every year and make something out of them. Make new, not old! I'm tired of seeing constant remakes, and greet them with ever dwindling enthusiasm.

"The Art of KPop Demon Hunters" is coming in bookstores in September.
Pre-orders are up on Amazon USA/Canada.
>> www.catsuka.com/shopping/ind...

OpenTools / OpenPrinter This is the homepage of the website

sick!
www.opentools.studio

taking a meeting with someone who says he can transport barrels of oil through the straight of hormuz

I hope Adam McKay is preparing a lovely warm bath for Ed when he has to explain this to a general audience in a few years time.

I Asked Claude to Generate 10 Jokes About Pete Hegseth, Tradcaths, And The Hundred Years' War in the Style of Dennis Miller and None of Them Were Funny. AI Is Just That Good.

Sky no

Too many people wanted to snuggle with the kitty so no one was getting any work done. So many cases