Good morning, world. It's another day and I'm finally free from my love quadrangle with three people who live 5000 miles away from me. Good luck to two of them and fuck one person in particular.

Ten minutes on dating apps and I'm okay with dying alone and unloved again.

Angry and empty.

I need a new life plan developed by whoever came up with the "Guess I'll Go Eat Worms" song.

Something you expected can still be devastating.

I am pushing 40 and I STILL have not found a place I like to buy underwear from as much as Hot Topic's old lingerie website.

Bro they lobotomized your aunt

A lot of people probably don't realize I'm a federal worker, but literally nobody in my personal life has asked how I'm doing with the whole "Trump is trying to get rid of anyone in a federal job" thing and it would just be nice if anyone thought about me long enough to ask.

BERNIE SANDERS: Vaccines do not cause autism. Do you agree?

RFK Jr: As I said, I'm not going into HHS with any preordained--

SANDERS: I asked you a simple question, Bobby

RFK Jr: If you show me those studies ...

SANDERS: That is a very troubling response

Timothy O'Neill was the teacher on Daria who couldn't remember anyone's name, so that's accidentally very fitting.

The scandal is that someone got their insurance to approve something that their insurance was supposed to cover, right?