ARTHUR Well that sounds quite sensible to me.
ZAPHOD What do you know about it apeman?
- The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts by Douglas Adams
Episode: Fit The Fifth
First published 1985
F/X THE BACKGROUND NOISE SUDDENLY STOPS OSCILLATING AND SETTLES INTO A STEADY PATTERN
TRILLIAN Hey, that sounds better. Have you managed to make some sense of the controls?
FORD No, we just stopped fiddling with them. I think this ship has a far better idea of where it's going than we do.
- So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish
Chapter 15
By Douglas Adams
“junky, wunky, lunky, stunky, and what’s that other word, and all kinds of bad stuff, woo,” and in another, written only hours later as “being like several thousand square miles of American Express junk mail, but without the same sense of moral depth. Plus the air is, for some reason, yellow.”
The beach was a beach we shall not name, because his private house was there, but it was a small, sandy stretch somewhere along the hundreds of miles of coastline that runs west from Los Angeles, which is described in the new edition of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in one entry as
There is an ionic diffusion rasp here.
There is a pair of hypersonic pliers here.
(Footnote 10)
>footnote 10
I guess it isn't all that dangerous a place after all.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy text adventure
First published 1984
>look
Engine Room
Okay, okay, there are a FEW things to see here. This is the room that houses the powerful Infinite Improbability Generator that drives the Heart of Gold. An exit lies fire of here.
Sitting in the corner is a spare, portable Improbability Generator.
Engine Room
You're in the infinite improbability drive chamber. Nothing Happens; there is nothing to see.
>look
Engine Room
I mean it! There's nothing to see here!
ARTHUR
Leave this to me. I'm British.
(with gusto)
I know how to queue.
He confidently takes a number and gets in line with the several hundred others -- feeling very much at home.
HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
by Douglas Adams and Karey Kirkpatrick
3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03
INT. PRISONER PROCESSING BUILDING/MAIN ROOM
A, F & Z enter the double doors, then stop short. Stunned.
THEIR P.O.V. - a typical government pick-a-number and wait sort of room. Bland. Bad lighting. Numbered windows. It's packed with all manner of species.
FORD We're in a small galley cabin in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.
ARTHUR Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of.
- The Original Hitchhiker Radio Scripts by Douglas Adams
Episode: Fit The First
First published 1985
ARTHUR Like a military academy - bits of me keep on passing out. If I asked you where the hell we were would I regret it?
FORD We're safe.
ARTHUR Good.
FORD If you've never been through a matter transference beam before you've probably lost some salt and protein. The beer you had should have cushioned your system a bit. How are you feeling?
(A pause - just long enough to build up the suspense, then:)
FORD I bought some peanuts.
ARTHUR Whhhrrr?
(This conversation mostly in hushed tones)
and inviting Investigation Officials from the Galactic Geo-Temporal Control Board to "have a nice diurnal anomaly."
- The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Chapter 5
By Douglas Adams
No adequate explanation for this has been forthcoming from the dominant life forms on Ursa Minor Beta, who spend most of their time attempting to achieve spiritual enlightenment by running around swimming pools,
It is a West zone planet which by an inexplicable and somewhat suspicious freak of topography consists almost entirely of subtropical coastline. By an equally suspicious freak of temporal relastatics, it is nearly always Saturday afternoon just before the beach bars close.
HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
by Douglas Adams and Karey Kirkpatrick
3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03
INT. HEART OF GOLD. BRIDGE - NIGHT
A knitted version of Arthur, Trillian, Ford and Zaphod sit in chairs before the ships console.
KNITTED ZAPHOD
(clutching stomach)
Is this going to happen every time we hit that button?
KNITTED TRILLIAN
Very probably, yes.
EXT. DEEP SPACE - NIGHT
We hover above a greenish/purplish planet.
IMPROBABILITY EFFECT - space RIPPLES.
Something begins to materialize, something big and gray tumbling toward us.
We now see the big, gray thing is a GIANT RHINOCEROS -
which ripples, flips inside out and becomes the Heart of Gold.
Nine Hundred Worlds of Gorp, but while working on this new masterpiece your asteroid slips into a small passing black
hole. Everything becomes...
Dark
- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy text adventure
First published 1984
Lesser Magellanic Cloud, you escape with the help of a tribe of nomadic asteroid painters.
You develop a unique talent for asteroid painting, gaining considerable fame throughout the Cloud. A nickel-ore deluxe is commissioned by His Royal Gorpness Orbifelk, the ruler of the
Three months later the error is discovered, but while your damage suit is pending in the Fronurbdian courts the planet is invaded by Bureaucratic Pirates from Pallidon IV. Impressed into bondage for a 16-year filing and sorting mission on the so-called "basement world" of Sporla in the
Suddenly a team of Fronurbdian Beasthunters charges in, intent on catching the Beast for their zoo. Mistaking you for the Beast, they fire stun guns at you, wrap you in nets, and install you in a lovely little lair in the Fronurbdi National Zoo.
- The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Chapter 6
By Douglas Adams
The ancient electric winch and "maximum-capacity-eight-persons" jobs bear as much relation to a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Happy Vertical People Transporter as a packet of mixed nuts does to the entire west wing of the Sirian State Mental Hospital.
Modern elevators are strange and complex entities.
as if relationships between people were susceptible to the same laws that governed the relationships between atoms and molecules.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Chapter 14
by Douglas Adams
First published 1979
The Heart of Gold fled on silently through the night of space, now on conventional photon drive. Its crew of four were ill at ease knowing that they had been brought together not of their own volition or by simple coincidence, but by some curious perversion of physics -
ZAPHOD
I don't have time for this! We've got the police of half the Galaxy after us and we stop to pick up hitchhikers?! Okay so ten out of ten for style but minus several million for good thinking, eh?
HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
by Douglas Adams and Karey Kirkpatrick
3rd Revised Draft 8/8/03