Not now, Facebook marketplace.

Sometimes I wear a disguise to boast about making shrines. Call that my altar ego.

Huxley is very proud of his new baby sister Mabel, who we welcomed into the world last week! My heart is so incredibly full. 🥰

I’m lucky in the UK to have employment security that comes with benefits they don’t necessarily have in the USA, but I am fully on board with this sentiment. I’ve even been asked to take my name off scripts I wrote in the past.

On the subject of The Simpsons, I showed my 3 year old son a picture of Homer the other day and his very first question was: “what does he worry about?”

Kids are too profound.

I just woke up from a dream where I met The Simpsons and I showed them an episode of The Simpsons and it absolutely blew their minds.

Polly turned 13 this week and, as you can see, she was fucking delighted about it.

Honestly my advice is if you’re hungover anyway what’s a little lactose intolerance on top of that. Life is short. Eat the cream.

(This is awful advice Charlotte)

Experience a movie the critics are calling ‘another Avatar movie’.

a man with a beard is saying no in a blurry photo ALT: a man with a beard is saying no in a blurry photo

I like watching those adverts for the games where you have to try to save the life of royalty by moving all their gems around, because I’m sitting there like

Gentle reminder? I hardly remember her!

The Short Story Challenge — nycmidnight The Short Story Challenge is an annual creative writing competition that challenges writers around the world to create short stories based on genre, subject, and character assignments in as little as ...

Up for a writing challenge? Join me in the 20th annual Short Story Challenge by @nycmidnight.bsky.social on January 23rd! Learn more at nycmidnight.com/ssc

Spotify Wrapped but it’s just my boss going through all the examples of times I fucked up at work this year.

Super excited to have been accepted as a @bafta.org member!

Guys only want one thing and it’s a friend whose shoulders they can sit on so they can wear a big trench coat and pretend they’re one really tall guy.

Or Tilda Swinton

You might laugh but I genuinely believe Jim Carey in a muscle suit and prosthetics would be the only viable choice.

Dropping some of my hottest invention ideas. Hoping some of them are goers.

Sometimes I don’t think I’m that much of a stereotypical dad but then Amazon recommends me a ‘thermal imaging monocular for outdoor exploration and wildlife viewing’.

“OMG don’t look now but…”

Me:

My cat died last week. He wasn’t even one year old, and it really hit me hard. Then, over the weekend, I saw that an extremely talented tattoo artist I know had some availability… and it gave me the chance to commemorate Pounce, along with all the cats I’ve lost in my life.

Hug your pets please ❤️

If you didn't know this was a popular franchise, this would seem like the biggest waste of money ever.

Scary Story Challenge — nycmidnight The Scary Story Challenge is a creative writing competition that challenges writers worldwide to create scary short stories based on assigned prompts in 48 hours.

Up for a scary writing challenge? Join me in the @nycmidnight.bsky.social Scary Story Challenge on October 31st! Learn more at nycmidnight.com/scary

I’ve not written any poetry for a while, so here’s a silly little ditty about my life at the moment. Enjoy!

open.substack.com/pub/pixelate...

How’s the writing going, Alex?

Yeah I’m into drugs:

Donkey Kong Bananza
R
U
G
S

I’m visiting my hometown and I’m spending the next two weeks on the beach.

You know you’re getting old when your ‘YOLO’ moments come from deciding to eat a ‘slightly too ripe’ banana.

DAMMIT

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene