The mechanics in the garage call you the Wonky Honky.

That’s impressive Chuck, but what is your free throw percentage?

This war is so damn confusing. It’s why we shouldn’t let drunks and dementia patients run it.

a man in a red tuxedo and bow tie is standing on a boat . ALT: a man in a red tuxedo and bow tie is standing on a boat .

I didn’t realize Issac the Love Boat bartender had a grandson.

“… and that bud turned out to be a crack rock. Stephen spent the next hour trying to wrestle his tv.”

- Morgan Freeman

Those screws are finally free thanks to you.

Everyone stop what you’re doing and listen to some Albert King.

“Thy nitrous oxide and thy Stephen Powell, they comfort me.”

- Bluesmobile 4:21

Karma.

Oh, she a bitch.

Is this why you choked it?

I’ll tumble for ya.

Amen to that, sister.

“Yea, tho I drive through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil.

For I am the baddest muthafukka in the valley.”

- Bluesmobile 4:20

She shot her career in the neck.

I’ll tumble for ya.

“No good deed goes unpunished.”

- Some Asshole

I was so high I could almost see the top of @mattgaetz4head.bsky.social

Unfortunately, we are no longer friends because I hired someone from #TeamLiamNissanTM to work for one of my companies IRL, and that person ripped me off for 20 grand and then went and told horrible lies about me & my team.

a woman with dreadlocks and a nose ring is crying . ALT: a woman with dreadlocks and a nose ring is crying .

Nitrous oxide is a helluva drug.

Jonathan I just woke up from a three day bender, so you need to stay up with me.

Jane, I’ll tumble for ya.

I do.

The only good Nazi is a dead Nazi.

The only good crybaby MAGAT Traitor is a dead crybaby MAGAT Traitor.

Sir, you spelled Mar-a-Pedo wrong.

The few people I know that voted for Trump are absolutely embarrassed and horrified and shell shocked at what they voted for.

I say “fuck ‘em. I hope they get kicked in their balls every single day.”

“Everyone please listen up and take note that my imaginary God is just as powerful as your imaginary God.”

- Larry The One-Eyed Pastafarian

Haaaaalarious!

She’s only a no-show because the audience is also a no-show.

#EpsteinVisa

Dr. Dementia

“Bonnie I have poopies,” til death do you part.