Me screaming "AND ROHAN WILL ANSWER" when someone asks if I'll post more in our lol slack channel

I always thought Sun Tzu's "Art of War" was a little simplistic and obvious but it turns out yes, you do literally need to tell the Secretary of War "you need to feed your troops and keep them from being wiped out by preventable diseases"

My son woke up at 7:15 this morning and was devastated it wasn't the middle of the night because he wanted to come get in bed with me.

When he does sleep in my bed, he constantly wakes me up to inform me that I'm snoring, so I'm not the biggest fan of that arrangement.

I don’t know what’s more offensive, the fat suit in DTF St. Louis or the show explicitly stating that no one can be attractive if they’re even mildly fat

An ad for one of those scam casino apps with an AI squirrel as its mascot

Finished @lastweektonight.com, started a new show on HBO Max and was promptly greeted by this AI scam app ad. *John Oliver voice* Cool.

Entirely unrelated!

Baseball is fun because there are times when you have to ask yourself “Is Miami good this year or are we just bad?” And the answer ain’t great for Cardinals fans.

Pretty cool how HBO went from the premiere tv spot to showing an AI ad for a scam gambling app.

David Zaslav deserves a billion dollars.

You know what I’m still annoyed about? How dirty they did my boy ankylosaurus in Netflix’s Dinosaurs.

Look, I know I’m so late to Euphoria, and I’m sure you’ve all already discussed this, but: Lexi’s play is awful? None of the students would have actually enjoyed it. And did no one from the administration check in on it when they requested their $120,000 budget?

In the same manifesto, Palantir's owners argued that we need a national military draft, that soft power is over, and that we were too hard on Germany and Japan after World War II. I don't think that company should be allowed to exist anymore.

Astros haven’t been in the NL Central for like 15 years, but I still do love a Cardinals sweep, baby!

Or ban that. Whichever one makes more sense.

Did you know that you can create a fully fake event on Eventbrite, slop an AI promo together and sell tickets for this fictional thing on Instagram? Seems like both of those companies should bad that.

Today, Parker told another parent at the park that when he sees a spider, he “goes to the woods and hires a gorilla to kill it.”

Your guess is as good as mine.

Is this one of the “every spider you’ve ever put outside died” lies or a different one?

Front of balloon Spider-Man

Back and huge ass of balloon Spider-Man

My balloon Spider-Man is caked up

I firmly believe we’re like 15 years out of a generation of kids that are like “My parents never told me they were proud of me. They only ever asked how I felt. Now I seek approval from everyone I meet.”

A VCR never sold my private info to a nazi

Astronauts > Astros

Love to see Houston lose

I love Chief O’Brien always and forever.

Wait, Twitter hates The Pitt?

As a Cardinals fan, I really appreciate the Mets this season

If Democrats capitulate to fascism and AI and transphobia and a million other awful things, what better are they than Republicans?

Me being wheeled into the Pitt: Patient has severe abdominal pain and distress.
*hours of testing reveal nothing*
*Dr. Santos comes in*
Dr. Santos: Sir did you eat your son’s boxed mac and cheese even though you’re lactose intolerant?
Me: Does it count as cheese if it’s a powder?

The leopards! My face! No!

Dr Robby from The Pitt holding a baby, but his swaddle is shit with a loose blanket and her legs sticking out of the bottom

Loose blanket, legs out? Absolute ass of a job, Dr. Robby.

Reese Witherspoon? The NFT evangelist?