DEMOCRACY DIES IN DARKNESS

Washington Post announces sweeping layoffs as it scales back news coverage.

Will the last one out please turn off the lights.

Fox News host Jesse Watters bizarrely claims the US owns the MOON

The squalling cat and the squeaking mouse,
The howling dog by the door of the house,
The bat that lies in bed at noon,
All love to be out by the light of the moon.

THEN ICE OFFERED HER A JOB AND A BIG BONUS

Kids were beaten with a wooden stick, emotionally abused by pre-kindergarten teacher.

Trump threatens 200% tariffs on French wines to get Macron on Board of Peace

I GUESS IT'S BACK TO THE BASICS:

TRUMP INSISTS THE US NEEDS GREENLAND

The Dream:

IS NOTHING SACRED?

Beloved walrus penis stolen from N.J. cheesesteak icon

Rob Lucas Jr. said that Donkey’s Place has kept a walrus baculum — a bone in the penis of many mammals — behind the bar for as long as he can remember.

Last week, a customer stole the phallic favorite.

BACULUM - LUNCH

Texas A&M Warns Professor Not to Teach Plato

Martin Peterson, Texas A&M professor, was told to excise teachings of Plato from his syllabus. His department head wrote that Peterson’s philosophy class must comply with policies limiting discussion of race and gender.

ANTIFA UNAMERICAN TROUBLEMAKER:

I'M GETTING MYSELF A BACON WRAPPED CHEESE DOG COVERED WITH SUET

Kennedy Set to Release New Nutrition Guidelines

Mr. Kennedy has suggested that the new version will be radically different, with revised recommendations on meat, dairy and saturated fats, concerning some nutrition researchers.

WIN WIN

Scores of sex workers have in recent years been using social media as a platform to pose in football shirts and lingerie,

"It’s the perfect money-maker. Men just love women in football shirts" (nyt)

U.S. IS CONDEMNED AT U.N. OVER VENEZUELA ACTION, EVEN BY ALLIES (nyt)

ECONOMISTS: SHARP AS A TACK. CAN'T GET ANYTHING BY THAT CREW

Supreme Court Increasingly Favors the Rich, Economists Say

A new study found that the court’s Republican appointees voted for the wealthier side in cases 70 percent of the time in 2022, up from 45 percent in 1953.

DANCING MAY REDUCE DEMENTIA

In fact, one study found that people who danced frequently (more than once a week) had a 76 percent lower risk of dementia than those who did so rarely. (wapo)

I DON'T THINK IT'S WORKING AS ADVERTISED

WAG THE DICTAOR

Epstein files? Never heard of them.

And has Pete Hegseth put on weight?

Members of cult led by man who claims to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ arrested.

Several people living in a campsite close to Empire, Alabama, as part of a religious cult, who believe their leader is the incarnation of Jesus have been arrested.

LOOKING GOOD FOR A TWO THOUSAND YEAR OLD MAN

POT, KETTLE

I strongly believe that anyone running for President, or Vice President, should be mandatorily forced to take a strong, meaningful, and proven Cognitive Examination.

Our great Country cannot be run by ’STUPID’ or INCOMPETENT PEOPLE!” he added.

GUESS WHO:

ROLL OVER JOHN PAUL JONES

Navy Secretary John Phelan said at Mar-a-Lago that the USS Defiant—the name of the first Trump-class ship—“will inspire awe and reverence for the American flag whenever it pulls into a foreign port.”

I GUESS THERE IS NO TRASH PICK UP IN IULA

Where Do Aprons Go to Retire? A Tiny Museum in Mississippi.

For nearly two decades, Carolyn and Henry Terry have amassed the world’s largest collection of domestic armor.

---------------

"I had no occasion for an apron on that morning." - Lizzie Borden

ROLL OVER RUDOLPH PERZ

Pillsbury products recalled over contamination with deadly bacteria after multiple people are hospitalized.

The CFIA said the products may be contaminated with E.coli O26, a strain of the bacteria that can cause severe illness and kidney damage.

ROLL OVER FATTY ARBUCKLE, AND MINNESOTA FATS

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the health secretary, has said that the next edition of the federal dietary guidelines, will overturn the longstanding advice to limit saturated fats and “stress the need to eat” them.

ROLL OVER RICHARD CRAFTS

Man in Bucks County dies after getting stuck in wood chipper, police say.

ROLL OVER ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA

Heavy rains in Washington State this month prompted officials to warn about flooded roadways, water damage to homes and one rare potential consequence: toilet rats.

I didn't write the headline. Take it up with the NYT

WRECK THE PLANET, MOVE TO MARS: WIN WIN

Trump May Give 775 Acres of a Federal Wildlife Refuge to SpaceX

SpaceX debris: Mars is lookin good:

Panties your mother laid out for you YouTube video by nintenjoblah

ROLL OVER AMELIA BLOOMER

Trump Complains the FBI Made a Mess of Melania’s ‘Panties’

Melanie is a “very meticulous person. Everything is perfect. Her undergarments…sometimes referred to as panties, are folded, perfect."

“I think she steams them,” he added.

ROLL OVER LITTLE MISS MUFFET

We are set if she should drop in over the holidays.

AND THEY SAY THERE'S AN AFFORDABILITY CRISIS

Fun fact: The name "Goober" comes from a traditional Southern nickname for peanuts, originally derived from the Gullah word guber (meaning peanut) and the KiKongo word nguba.

AND I THOUGHT WE HAD PROBLEMS DOWN HERE IN THE STATES

Canadian Linguists Rise Up Against the Letter ‘S’

Canadian linguists and editors are not pleased. Words using British spellings have suddenly appeared in documents published by the Canadian government.

It is a sneaky, slimy, letter, after all.

A STEAL AT TWICE THE PRICE

At La Grande Boucherie foresighted diners can advance-order a whole roast suckling pig for the table, for $600.

Sides are extra though:

INFLUENCERS STILL DROPPING LIKE FLIES (PART 4)

TikTok star Tucker Genal has died at the age of 31. The influencer committed suicide.

Surgery addict Mary Magdalene plunged from a hotel balcony.

Beauty influencer Stefanie Pieper was found dead after her body was discovered in a suitcase.

TIP FOR VISITING MARTHA STEWART

Martha doesn’t recommend bringing just any handmade gift.

“I sometimes don’t like to get homemade jams and jellies, because I don’t know if they’re any good. You know what I mean? I make my own jams and jellies, and I know how good they are."