Subterranean homesick blues happened to a buddy of mine. Gay now. Unrelated.

Grogu got in the trash and ate some chocolate and he died

Bad news After 36 years, the garage fridge finally died. Been through a lot together. Outlasted 3 trucks, 2 wives. Went out quiet, like a cowboy. Must've kept 10,000 beers cold. Thinking about giving it a proper funeral

"Must've kept 10,000 beers cold"

my girlfriend is getting a pussy

Trying to figure out what Fergie’s “London Bridge” was a metaphor for as a virgin in 2006 was…a frustrating experience.

Threw some leftovers into my stinky compost bucket and something reached out to grab me

don knotts should be mark twain's sidekick

Asks the man whose last three posts were blumpkin jokes.

Precisely what, exactly, are you trying to accomplish by following Barack Obama on LinkedIn?

you draw up that ad for amtrak?
sure did boss, diarrhea money shot just like you asked

Clock that shows the “feels like” time

M: Bond, meet agent Fupa Blumpkin. She’s on loan to us from BND headquarters in Berlin.

JB: Tell me, Ms. Blumpkin, is your at-home toilet a one seater or two?

FB: Charming, Mr. Bond. So it’s true: Not even my upper pubic area is as fat as your head.

Please, Mrs. Jenkem is my mother. You can call me Blumpkin.

…and this is my daughter, Blumpkin Jenkem.

race horse named Was The Grink There

Taking off my wedding ring before my haircut at Sports Clips

My name is Leif E. Griens

Hopping back on here after being away to ask what the fuck is going on with these Draft Kings ads on Hulu?? Uncanny Valley between porn and a high school football players shitty video project for Spanish class

Taking off my wedding ring before my haircut at Sports Clips

i've been collecting html in a big folder

Scientists have constructed 3D replicas of what the 5 Guys from 5 Guys Pizza probably looked like

Competing Netflix and Hulu documentaries about the Louvre heist dropping next week.

Toilet paper at work starting to look like Mickey Mouse’s thin bean sandwich.

I just invented global warming for dogs. I’m tentatively calling it “dog global warming”

One of my concubines just described herself as a ‘Shane Gillis republican’. How did she even learn about him, comedy is strictly forbidden in the harem

everybody squirts . the government is lying to you . and its not just piss either its like some other shit that we dont even know the scientific affects of

it's so fucked up they just named him Goofy, what hope did he ever have

Would “Oppenheimer” still have won the Oscar if it ended with “Vertigo” from U2’s How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb as the end credits needle drop?

Saw a guy walk up this spigot, hold his hand underneath, intentionally dispense hot water on his hand, say “ahhh fuck!” and walk off shaking his hand vigorously. I can’t stop thinking about this